Sunday, December 13, 2020

Interesting Weekend

Well this wasnt exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend.   I had a nasty episode involving 1)kidney stones 2) kidney infection and 3) sepsis.   Its the same thing than put me in the hosputal in May 2019 and it did again Friday.  So here I am, in my loungewear (that I wore to the ER), waiting for hubs to drive 100 miles to pick me up.  

Am I feeling better?  Compared to Friday,  yes.  Well enough to go home?  Well yes..and no.  They just removed the catheter and I'm feeling some abdominal pain but it's tolerable.   My R flank hurts when I cough.  So, I guess...don't cough?  🙂
I will need to have the stint and stones removed in a few weeks.  At that time, they'll go in and get the one stone higher in the kidney so this doesn't happen a third time!  

On top of that, coming off Covid quarantine.  

Oh, the joys of getting older!  

A goodie from 2017

Lunchtime Musings of a Working Superwoman: 1) Patience, Tolerance and Understanding are three gifts we can - and should-give each other for the Holiday season 2) lack of sleep seems to be my theme this week 3) the Universe gave me a big ole sign this morning, now to have courage to act 4) no matter how much I think I'm in control of things, the Universe says otherwise 5) there is always room for improvement 6) if you think you're perfect, guess again 7) life isnt fair, never will be -do the best you can and worry about yourself and whats important to you.  8)sometimes, the joy in life truely IS in the small things 9) my lottery tickets didnt win last night 10) wishing friends and family (near and far) a splendid day!  Don't take any wooden nickels,  smile, schmooze if you need to, but always, always be Kind!

Sunday, December 6, 2020

December - 2020

I've been missing in action since Thanksgiving.   Covid got me, unfortunately.  The prison has mandatory testing for staff and inmates every Monday.   I tested on Monday the 30th and received my results on Tuesday the 1st at about 8:30 pm - when my supervisor called me.   I actually argued with her when she told me; I was feeling absolutely zero symptoms.  Who knows where I even picked it up; I've been uber careful wearing PPE, washing hands, socially distancing.  Guess it doesn't matter now, does it.  

I started my 10 day quarantine and was feeling great - until Wednesday evening. Holy smokes!   The symptoms hit me like a Mack truck! Snuffy nose, intense headache, body aches and extreme fatigue! I did telecommute Thursday and Friday (1/2 day), but quite honestly, I was not burning up the keyboard with productivity.  This weekend has been hot fluids, couch, and Netflix movies.(Side note, you must simply watch The Queens Gambit if you haven't already done so!)

 I have some outstanding friends - they're checking in on me  regularly through phone calls and texts, which is nice and very much welcomed.  One of my yoga students is so kind and thoughtful - she asked if she could provide a meal for Tom and I tonight.  How nice is that?  She was straight up an said "it's pure comfort food!"   Yesssss please!  (Screw the diet!)  :)

Per the state of ND guidelines - Tom is, of course, quarantined for the 10 days that I'm quarantined plus another 14 days after that - which lands him on Christmas Eve.  He's rather stubborn though and has his own opinion of what his quarantine should be.   He's choosing to follow the new CDC guidelines issued - ironically - the day we started quarantine - of If, after 5 days and a negative test, quarantine can end on day 7.   He's feeling well, so far, and quite bored.   He's been going out to the farm, morning and evening, to check on the farm, feed the cats, and enjoy getting out of the house.   Other than eating meals together (at a safe distance), he's been staying downstairs in his man cave, and I have been upstairs.  Hopefully, with his age and health concerns, he doesn't get Covid.

My brother Terry also tested positive on Wednesday.  No, I haven't been in contact with him.  So, Marna and Blaine are home quarantining with him,  Blaine had some issues with his apartment last week (water damage), so my brother has been in town every day cleaning and purging affected items - even though he has Covid.  His symptoms are fatigue and loss of taste and smell.  It's amazing how this virus affects everyone differently.  My sister Peggy had it and she had zero symptoms!  I have a co-worker( underlying health conditions) in the hospital ICU on a ventilator and in an induced coma.    At work we were given the chance to decide if we want the vaccine when it comes to ND (one of first pilot states when the vaccine is released).  At first I was hesitant and replied no to the survey, but now I believe I was hasty in my decision.  I'm going to see if I can still get on the list to receive the vaccine.

Today I am feeling 50% better and have energy to move off the couch.  I may bundle up and go for a walk around the park this afternoon.    So far, we do not have any snow on the ground and the temperatures are gorgeous ...today it's 49 degrees!   I'll take it!   As many days/months that we can take without snow the shorter the winter becomes.   

Stay warm, stay safe blog stalkers! 

Thursday, November 26, 2020

Thanksgiving Musings

Lunchtime musings of a working superwoman: #1: The best place to see people (you haven't seen in awhile) is in the grocery store or liquor store right before a holiday #2: when talking about a holiday feast, everyone has that One dish they look forward to having. #3: prepare for the feast the night before -rummage through your dressers for the stretchy pants #4: remember, wine is meant to compliment the meal, not BE the meal #5: If you don't get along with family, forget #4! #6: eat wisely, go for the pumpkin pie first! #7: to keep your guests in good spirits, steer clear of politics and religion at the dinner table #8: if #7 fails, fall back on #5! #9 find time to exercise after the meal....exercise your right to a nap #10 remember to give Thanks, for family, friends, the gift of health and life, the abundance in which we live, and to always pray for those who may be experiencing hardships in their life and not be as fortunate as yourself.  Happy Thanksgiving to All

Friday, November 13, 2020

Freaky Friday - the 13th

 Here it is, 5:10 pm on Friday the 13th and I've come through the work day relatively unscathed.   Although there was that one phone call to an inmate's wife that could be technically classified as a smackdown, but I think she'll live.  Hehehehe

It's been a funky energy kind of week and I'm not sure how to feel about it; I'm still processing it in my mind.  

I was meditating last week after a particularly exhausting workout at the gym.  I was totally in my Zen zone.  It's so amazing to me the things that pop in and out of my mind when I clear my headspace.   A recurring theme was: Love, Loyalty and Trust...and memories of my Mom and Dad (always heartwarming and reassuring!) 

I am a very trusting individual.  I take people at their word until I have reason not to.  I'm not one to be paranoid or lose sleep over peoples alternative motives.  I have a strong circle of friends that I rely on, and can always trust to be straight shooters with me.  But occasionally something happens that shakes my trust tree a tad bit and makes me go "hmmmmm" and wonder "why".   Nothing drastic and nothing that directly affects me....but a bit disconcerning nonetheless.

Then last night, a woman in her early 70's, when on a rampage and acted like a total ass all because the music in the gym was "too loud" for  her.  Instead of addressing the matter like an adult, she storms out, slams the door and yells out to "cancel her membership"   Okkaaayyyy then.   Not sure what caused her to unhinge but it couldn't have been alllll  about the volume of the music!  I've known her for 16 years.  Although she can be a bit eccentric and boisterous, I've never known her to act like that.   I was taken aback. No one, no matter the age, has the right to act like she did.   I felt soooo sorry for the staff member that was involved.   She criticizes  others for being childish....well sweetheart, look in the mirror!  Egads! 

This weekend is fairly low key.   I have yoga class in the morning, followed by lunch with two very lovely, strong, independent friends of mine (the ones I went camping with in August).  Then nothing else other than working out and getting my nephew Blaine to work on Sunday.   Oh, and some domestic diva stuff....which I can honestly say I'd rather not do!  LOL

Tonight is totally a wine and Netflix night!!  

Peace Out, Blogstalkers!  :)


Saturday, November 7, 2020

Overpowering

Disclaimer:  I'm angry and this is my avenue to vent.  If you have opposing views, I'll listen to them, but I will NOT debate them - not on my platform.   So if you're looking for a fight, you will not find one here.  

My empathic mind and heart is on overload this morning.    It's a good thing I'll be headed to teach yoga in a little bit.   The rest of the day is going to be spent in solitude listing to music, exercising, cleaning and reading.    I'm going on a social media detox for the net 24 hours because I cannot take in much more of the craziness. 

The presidency campaign and election has brought out so much hate and anger - friend against friend, neighbor against neighbor, family against neighbor - it's been so sad to witness.  I've wrote about it before, there seems to be no tolerance for anyone who has opposing views.  There is no healthy discussion on topics; the easy route is to impose your opinion on others and when they disagree, cut them off at the knees and out of your life.   Disheartening, to say the least.

I've made no secret that I think Donald Trump is a baboon.  He has torn this country in half with his obnoxious lies, Tweets, "fake news", racist, homophobic, narcistic, hate spewing rhetoric.  He's an idiot....to a point.   Have I agreed with some of what he has done for the country?  Yes, I'll admit it...he has done some things that I've applauded him for.   Equally, he has done some things - far more, I might add - that I shake my head  in disbelief over.   

The job of the President is to look after the COUNTRY, to UNITE the COUNTRY, to LEAD the COUNTRY through the good times AND the bad.  He's done NOTHING of the sort for four years.  I go back to when I was sick at home watching his inauguration when he claimed there were millions there to celebrate his victory.  Puhhhhhleaaaseee...there were more protestors in the streets than there were in the stands and along the parade route.   

His whole campaign strategy was about spewing words of hate, mistrust of the voting process (obviously knowing he was going to get voted out and setting the ground work for law suits).  He said about Nixon (of leaving the White House):  He left; I do not Leave!.  

What saddens me and angers me more - is the language, hate, bullying, mistrust, and anger of the American people.  Get your heads out of your asses and for the love of God....get your news from a reputable news source and NOT FACEBOOK or TWITTER!!    Have you seen the documentary Social Dilemma on Netflix??  People.....algorithms .....if you look for hate and mistrust, Facebook will feed it to you.  If you look for sunshine, roses, and hair products, Facebook will feed it to you!    Use your Brain!!!   Research the facts, make up your own mind!  Do NOT let Facebook feed you garbage and you take it to be gospel.

Just this morning a friend contacted me about going to the Stop the Vote at the Capitol on Sunday.  She saw it on FACEBOOK and wanted to participate.   I obviously do a good job about hiding my political views because she had noooooo idea that I despise Trump and all he stands for.  LOL.   So I asked a few questions.  Why would anyone in their right mind Stop the Vote?  She said that there are stolen votes and the votes in Pennsylvania are illegally cast for Biden.  I said to her, haven't you been listening to MSNBC, NBC, CNN, Washington Post??   Pennsylvania (REPUBLICAN, I might add) officials holding news conferences about the integrity of the voting process and how they're handling the votes left to count?    Total silence.  Yah...I thought so.    Wow....just wow.   I'll forgive her for her lapse in reality and misguided trust in FACEBOOK and TRUMP, cuz I love her as a friend and I won't let politics ruin the friendship.  

I'm scared for America.  I'm tired, I'm worried, and downright scared.

Time for yoga and some deep breathing!  



Friday, October 30, 2020

Spunky!

Lunchtime Musings of a Working Superwoman: #1 Im eating carbs for lunch.  Go ahead...judge me. #2 My feet grew.  I used to be a 7, now am a 7.5.  How does this happen. #3 I like watching people walk; people walk funny. #4 Communication is a two-way street.  Mind reading is not a superpower and crystal balls don't work. #5 People!  Spaces in front of fire hydrants are NOT parking spaces. #6 I've gone an entire day and havent listened to a Journey song #7 People don't belly laugh very much anymore #8  Three words to research: Tolerance, Compassion and Respect #9 My first day back in the gym is gonna suck big time #10 If my life could be summed up in a song, the title would be: Through It All, She Smiles. 😉

Sunday, October 11, 2020

Don't Ask

Lunchtime observation of a working superwoman: When someone asks you "what's on your mind?", remember #1 that what's on your mind shouldn't always come out the mouth, #2 the potential for it being a trick question is a possibility #3 when in doubt, less is always more #4 consider the source and the need to know #5 answering a question with a question is always a good play #6 if alcohol is involved, refer to #1, #7 baffle them with lots of big words and bs, they'll never ask you again, #8 start a rumor about yourself, that'll be entertaining in the long run #9 be nice, be kind, be quiet #10 smile and wink...let them guess.

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Just another Wednesday

 I telecommuted from home today; my telecommuting schedule is Wednesdays and Fridays.  I can handle that; I load up the front end of my week "in office" and prepare for my "home" days.   Most days are fairly easy as I have a list of things that I need to accomplish at home in order to make my in office days more smooth.

Today was just another Wednesday.   Except, it wasn't. 

Today was the first day this world did not have Eddie Van Halen in it.    How flippin sad that one of the worlds premiere guitarists left this realm.   We all know that Journey is my band of choice.  But let's get real here folks.....Eddie Van Halen?   He was  the ultimate Guitar Hero!!   Not to mention that every female in the 16-18 yr old range (in the late 70's, early 80's)  had a mad crush on the brunette, button nosed, dimpled rock legend!    (Men, don't even bother trying to understand that last statement!)

I never had the pleasure of going to a concert; let's face it, for anyone to come to ND is a phenomenal undertaking on their part.   That being said, I certainly indulged in listening to Van Halen's music on a regular basis.  

Back when I used to hang out with a local biker club (yes, I was a bit of a wild child!), this was one song that comes to memory.  You Really Got Me!    Some of there more main stream songs were good also.  To me, there was just no comparison between Van Halen with David Lee Roth or Van Halen with Sammy Hagar.   (Roth wins every time!)

So while today was just another Wednesday, today was the day that I had Van Halen blaring through the speakers - each song heard brought a favorite memory of a time passed. Each song bringing heartfelt condolences to his family, the music industry and the world for having lost another legend to cancer in 2020.

R.I.P Eddie Van Halen!


Sunday, October 4, 2020

Another Musings

Sometimes I'm so witty I crack myself up! Lol.  My friends all tell me I need to preserve my Facebook Musings of a Working Superwoman and write a book.  So as these pop up in my Facebook memories, I'm copying and pasting here.  

On this one, obviously it was a Friday and my mind was NOT on work!  Lol

Lunchtime musings of a Working Superwoman on a Friday:1)as the week goes on, my filter disappears  2) my ability to plan every nanosecond of my weekend kicks in to high gear on Fridays 3) everyone is pretty agreeable to most anything because no one wants to deal with a crabby ass on Fridays 4) pretty much assured my stellar work ethics will be toast by 3pm 5) I wonder if I have enough wine on hand 6) and cheese...can't forget cheese.   Wine without cheese is just...wine. 7) can't believe I just said wine is "just wine" 8) to my trainers, no worries..I have three workouts scheduled.  9) I'm already making winter (comfort) food recipes 10) wouldnt it be funny if everyone responded to each other today with 10-4 good buddy?  (I'm laughing cuz someone somewhere is going Huh? to #10.

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Welcome to the Shit Show!

 I'm trying not to breaking one of my hard and fast rules - do not talk politics or religion.  But for the love of all things holy, I cannot not comment on the total shit show of last nights presidential debate.

   America, we're screwed!   

I want the chance to write in a candidate.  I think anyone would be a better option than the two we have right now.  UGGGHHHH!  

I'm soooooo tired of the bickering . right vs. left.  I'm tired of the media, I'm tired of black lives matter (ALL LIVES MATTER, shit heads!), cop kiilings, riots and the disrespect and downright hatred of the flag, of our Country!  

I'm scared for everyone concerned. 

I feel the anger, the despair, the lack of consideration and respect - not only for the country -but for humanity.  

I heard Savanna Guthrie , NBC Today Show, say that Social Media was the cesspool of society."  I couldn't have said it better myself.   It's utterly disgusting how people have become keyboard warriors, saying cruel and hateful words that they would never ever have the guts to say to a person face to face. 

Yet, they do.   But when they become the victims of the same in return, how quickly they cry foul.   

I do not buy in to it.  I refuse.   A long-time friend of mine of 36 years texted me last night during the debate.  I hear from him probably 3 times a year.   I was so happy to hear from him until he proceeded to talk about the debate and starts to debate me on my opinions when he opened the door asking me how I felt.   

This is the exact text I sent him:  "I am done talking politics because I value our friendship. Have a good night.  We'll talk another night when I'm not so angry".

I believe I took the high road and perhaps saved a long standing friendship that I treasure.  

My mother and father always said that if you truly believe in something, then there will always be a solution to any problem that presents itself.   

I wish I could believe in that statement and wisdom.  

#disenchanted #struggling #coronafatigue #homeismysanctuary 




Monday, September 28, 2020

Lunchtime Musings 09/28/2020

Lunchtime musings of a working superwoman: 1) everyone is in too much of a hurry 2) my lunch wasn't that appetizing 3)  I like Thursdays 4) be passionate about something, but dont assume that everyone is passionate about Your passion 5) that said, health of mind and body is my passion! 😎 6) I cant wait to get spooky! 7) have I mentioned I love Journey? And Yoga? And....🤣 8) R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  give it, receive it! 9) my one postive thing about me that I like today is ...my eyes. 10) Smile, its the positive thing I like about YOU 😉

Sunday, September 27, 2020

Speculation

Have you ever been presented with a set of circumstances...a conversation or a sight...that makes you go "hmmmm".  AND then the mind is off and running? A 100 different scenarios or speculations as to what you heard or saw could mean?

I'm the queen bee of letting myself get "inside my head".  I can spin a whole conversation in my head...speculate...and come up with generally a doomsday outlook. 

I work myself in to an anxiety attack the size of Texas.  WHY?  Why do I do that to myself.  When all I need to do is have an honest, open conversation about what I heard/saw.  Surely I can't be alone in this tendency to downward spiral. Am I?

Is it human nature to immediately go to the dark side?  Is communication sooo scary that we'd rather slide in to darkness than to talk?

To say I had the mother of anxiety attacks this weekend would be an understatement.   I worked through it the best I could with the help of a trusted friend, yoga and the gym.  But it didn't fully subside until I was able to end the speculation and have a conversation. 

#headgames #anxietysucks #havethedamnconversation




Tuesday, September 22, 2020

Message to My Friend!

You know who you are.  Yes, you...the one struggling through life right now.  You've been so strong for everyone else for too long.   Now it's time to lean on others for a while.  
Let me carry your burdens.  
Let me be there to walk with you through the darkness just as I have done through the light.
Let me be your strength when you feel weak.
Let me be the calm in your storm.
Let me be there to remind you...that through all things...I will never leave your side.

Sunday, September 20, 2020

Musings of a Working Superwoman

Lunchtime musings of a working superwoman #1 when in doubt, call in sick.  Otherwise you spend all day thinking about how you shouldve called in sick. #2 there is a fine line between being sick, feeling sick and not sick enough (when determining #1). #3 when you're gone from being sick, fellow employees or supervisors want the details so They can determine just how sick They think you are/were (the ole "I wouldnt have called in sick for that!" judgement. #4 work ethics plays a huge part of #1...."I wasn't 'sick enough to go/stay home'.  #5 please, and for the love of God...if you're shitting, puking, have body aches, coughing or have a fever...GO HOME!..you're 'sick enough' in my book...screw the work ethics! #6 Ever heard of Kleenex and hand sanitizers? #7 some ailments cant be seen....but pain can be felt in the body/mind.  Just because you're not shitting, puking, don't have body aches, a fever and you're not coughing...it doesn't mean you still cannot use sick days to feel better and get the help you need.  They're there to be used for a reason.  #8 work will always be there, rest assured. #9 Cold and Flu season is upon us.  Please take precautions to guard against both....rest, relaxation, liquids, etc. #10 this Public Service announcement is an accumulation of my personal observations of 30+ years in the working world. Please Stay Healthy this Fall and Winter. #flushots #beproactive #healthfairiscomingup #bekindtoeachother #sendsomeonehomeifyouneedto #weareallguilty #youarewelcome 
😉

Saturday, September 5, 2020

2018 Post-Vacation Thoughts

I've spared you all with daily vacation observations..so thought I'd give your newsfeed a little update of Vacation Observations of a Working Superwoman, Day 7.  1) I have accomplished absolutely nothing on my To-Do list. 2) I really don't care.  3) Don't go grocery shopping at 10 am in the morning and expect to get in/out fast...those retired people have their own timeline as they block aisles. 4) Im kinda digging wearing stretchy pants for a week.  5) wearing real clothes next week is gonna suck 6) I havent watched Bold and the Beautiful for like 25 years...but yesterday I tuned in over lunch and was pleased to know that Brooke and Ridge are STILL stupid. 7)           why does September feel like New Years and I feel the need to make new resolutions or goals?  8) Nothing says accomplishment like cleaning the food trap on the dishwasher 9) Two things about eating sweetcorn...have toothpics handy and stay close to a bathroom 10) As much as I love summer, it's pretty nice to feel the "downshift" you get with Fall.

Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Pre-Labor Day Thoughts.

From time to time over lunch breaks, I think. .and I post them on Facebook.  They pop up in my memory feeds.  Some are fluff, some definitely have a message.  This was a post on 09/02/2018.  I wonder who yanked my chain that day?!  Lol.  

*Long Post Alert* Pre Labor Day Musings (inspired by a glass or two of wine by the fire)of a Working Superwoman: 1.  Most people show up to work and do their job, responsibly, and expect nothing but an honest day's pay for an honest day's work.  There are some that show up for the paychecks and benefits and forget the job duty thing.  It's not fair.  Never was, never will be.  Life isn't fair.  Do your best job, put your best foot forward.  Take pride in your work.  The rest will work itself out. 2.There are some jobs I'm not cut out to do, so I REALLY appreciate those who do them, and do them well.  3. Those in the Armed forces are not paid enough or appreciated enough!  Those that have, or continue to serve, have my utmost Respect.  Thank you! 4. Sometimes a simple, unexpected " Thank you" can brighten an employee's day. 5. When you make it to the top, don't forget the comrades in the trenches who helped you get there.  Remember where you came from. 6. Sometimes we all need to remember that (and I learned this early on in my working career), it's our job to support those who make the decisions or write the paychecks, even if we don't agree 7. IF we ARE lucky enough to make the decisions and write the paycheck, it comes with responsibilities. The title demands respect, but are You worthy of it? 8. The US of A is a land of Opportunity.  We have the lowest rate of unemployment in ND.  IF you aren't working, it is not for lack of jobs.  Perhaps it's time for some self reflection snd make Changes to ensure a brighter future for yourself.  Have some self respect. . 9 and 10. Celebrate US!  The working class pays the highest amount of taxes.  WE carry the US of A.  We show up, we work damn hard and ya, we play hard too.  Some of us have excelled to leadership, most of us are in the trenches.  But it's safe to say we're ALL working hard and for the Pursuit of Happiness (GREAT movie too, if you haven't seen it!).  So raise your glass (or beers) in toast to US....the Working Class of America...cuz WE deserve it! Happy Labor Day!

September - the New New Year ?

 I know that New Years Eve and New Years Day are the traditional days to make a plan for fresh beginnings and resolutions.  I've always looked at September as the New, New Year.   

It seems like the perfect time to downshift a bit after the craziness of the summer.   I  love the long days, sunshine, hot weather and everything that entails.....outside patio time, flowers, nights by the firepit, gathering with family and friends, flip flops, tank tops and just everything summer.  But as happy as I am to experience everything that summer represents to me, I'm equally as happy to see Autumn arrive.

The shorter days allow me to downshift and breathe.  I'm admittedly guilty of living life to the nth degree; I'm a participant and not an observer.   As darkness and cooler weather arrive, I relish the slower pace of life.   September always holds a magical essence for me; it's been an unofficial time of renewal in my life.  Perhaps because it's the month of my birth...my beginning in life.  

When I was little, the starting of school always meant that it was time to buckle down and find more routine.   You know the typical things that parents had you do when you were little: do your homework, do your chores, eat your vegetables,  remember to brush your teeth before bed, bed time at a certain time. 

As an adult, it is of the same except on an adult scale; looking at finances and finding ways to save money or cut back on spending, investment status and goals, diet/exercise regime (either set up a plan, fine tune plan or recommit), indoor household projects to accomplish over the fall and winter months, develop  a winter book reading list, recommit to journaling/blogging, and most importantly....self reflection....what makes me tic, what I'd like to work on in my personality...overall...become better than I was yesterday.  

The self reflection one is a doozy.  What makes me tic and what can I do better; pretty heavy stuff.  It require a lot of willingness to dig down in to the soul and to see what you're made of.   I like to think that I'm made of light, but if I'm honest with myself, there is plenty of darkness there to work on.   I'd let you in on my self-improvement list, but some of it is pretty personal stuff.  You understand, I'm sure.  :)  Just know that each and every day is a new day to "get it right". 

So today, September 2nd is a day that I'm taking inventory and getting a jump start on the new New Year.   (Never too early - or late - to start self improvement!)








Sunday, August 30, 2020

i carry your heart with me

Poetry....it says so much.   Emotions spill out on the page.  Thoughts, meanings, feelings laid bare in the nuances and cadence of words.

This....this poem...is one of my favorites...and holds great meaning for me.



Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Words

Sometimes words fail me. Oh perhaps the more accurate statement is my voice fails me.   I am a relatively smart person.  I have fairly good grasp of the English language, my vocabulary is broad, I'm knowledgeable of current events, I'm well read, and I have opinions.

With all of that going for me, I find it difficult to speak - with a modicum of intelligence - in certain instances.   

I listen as others voice opinions.  I have my own.  But I seldom voice them.  On the rare occasion that I do, I find myself feeling uncomfortable and uneasy.   I hear a voice in my head saying "you're not interesting enough for them to listen to you," or I feel all eyes on me and I want to shrink in to the background.

I've taught classes in front of hundreds of insurance professionals, I've taught software demonstrations to insurance agents, taught yoga to hundreds of students, stress management to correctional employees and never batted an eye.   But to voice an opinion in a group of people?  Oh  Hell No!  LOL

My father used to say that if you wanted to lose family and friendships, all you needed to do was 1) loan them money and 2) talk politics and religion.    Two things, I might add, that my father never did.   Perhaps I'm taking after my  father?     Opinions should be kept to myself, yes?   Or do I fear losing people close to me by telling them how I really feel.   

Then there is the old adage:  "Better to let them think you a fool, than to open mouth and prove it."    Maybe that is where I get my reservation from.    

I'm a strong, articulate woman.....who is perfectly fine letting others speak their minds.   I'll keep my opinions to myself, I won't lose relationships, and no one will think I'm the fool!  😉

Monday, July 27, 2020

Good Thoughts, Good Deeds

I absolutely loved the movie, Bohemian Rhapsody.  Aside from the music of Queen and biographical story of Freddie Mercury, it had a message...perhaps even a few...for those who were paying attention.

Freddie's father set a standard for Freddie of " Good Thoughts, Good Deeds" and shunned Freddie and his lifestyle when Freddie didn't display the proper behavior.   

In the end, Freddie and his father mended fences when Freddie (and Queen) played for Live Aid, a concert to benefit famine. 

That scene touched my heart so much.  I've watched Bohemian Rhapsody multiple times just to see that scene.  (Ok..and for the music too!) 

Why am I writing of this?  A couple of reasons.   I guess that the first would be ...judgement and redemption.  Let's face it...none...and I mean NONE of us are 100% as pure as the driven snow.  We have all made questionable decisions or actions. And we've all been judged by someone at one time or another.  We've probably even done some judging as well.  If we can point out someone else's flaws, then surely ours don't look so bad,  right?

Like Freddie, we all have redeeming qualities.  And it's important to find redemption in our hearts.  Why?  Because we need to love and forgive ourselves first. If we wait for forgiveness and approval from others, you're going to be waiting for a while. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure I want approval from someone who just looked down their nose at me. Those people do.not.matter.to.me! Quite frankly, I dont need any one's approval.  I know who I am, what I am, what I believe in, and walk my path.

The second reason I write this is ...good deeds.  There are different kinds of deeds: big, flashy, look-what-I-did deeds and the smaller, quiet, let-me-help-you deeds.  Both of them are appreciated.  The motives behind them are the same...to help and do good.  One is flashy. One is subtle. Which means more?  If you've just lost your shop due to a fire, the help of your best friend on his days off  means the world.  If you are elderly and cannot pay for your groceries, the kindness of a stranger paying for them will stick with you forever.  It doesn't matter how grand or how small...it just matters that you do something...and with the right intention.



Friday, June 19, 2020

Picking up Sticks

I've been spending some time with a friend, Toni.  Toni is 74 years old.  I first met Toni several years ago when she did a story on me (teaching yoga) for the local paper.  Since then, our paths have crossed several times throughout the years.   Most recently, she was a student in my Friday afternoon senior yoga classes. After I stopped teaching that class, we kept in touch.

Toni has led a very interesting life - a life that hasn't always been the easiest for her.  I think, if truth be told, none of us have had the easiest of lives.  Of course, perspective enters in to that as well.  What may be difficult for some, may be considered as a cake walk for others.

Last Saturday I picked Toni up and we attended the Kite Festival.  It was a perfect day for it as the ND wind was blowing at hurricane levels.   We sat in the car mostly and watched the stunning kites dance in the wind.  I'm always fascinated by the movement - so mesmerizing and freeing.

We had a great time, talking and conversions about life.  It wasn't long and our conversation turned to energy, specifically the energy of others, and the affect it has on us.  Toni said something that resonated with me.   "We have to learn not to pick up the stick."    When I asked her to clarify what she meant, she said again, "Don't pick up the stick, Sherry."    

Toni, a former writer for the local paper has the most unique and amazing way or looking at things.  

She gave an appropriate analogy; Imagine yourself on top of a tree looking down at the ground after a wind storm.  There are branches strewn everywhere on the ground from the turbulent wind. .  From on top of the tree, they look small and insignificant to you.  You think they are manageable and easy to carry, if you were to pick one of them up from the ground.   But as you descend to the ground, the twigs become larger branches. If you were to pick one up, it be would be difficult - heavy and cumbersome to carry.  That, she said, is your choice; to pick up the branch.    The stick, of course, is the energy (negativity) of others.  

The same goes for my own sticks, in this case - emotions or feelings.. She offered another appropriate analogy.  I'm sitting on the banks of a flowing river.   If I look up stream, I can see sticks in the river flowing in my direction.   They may look smaller in size, but as they draw closer, their size increases and they are, in fact, branches.  I can choose to pluck the branch from the river and carry it, or let it float by until it gets smaller in the distance and disappears from site.  My choice....pick up the stick, or let it pass.  

I explained that I am a classic Virgo and it's in my nature to want to help others - to want to be a caring and compassionate person.  But it wounds my heart  when people call me and the entire conversation is all about them and their problems and I rarely hear, "and how are you doing".    It wouldn't sting so bad if it was an occasional thing, but it happens with some people over and over again.

Tonie, in her infinite wisdom smiled and said,, "of course they would do this to you.....you are carrying their sticks!"  

Wise one, that Toni, wise one.  

I had a conversation with a very close and dear friend this week about cutting toxic people from my life.  (They are not one that needs to be cut, by the way - just to clarify if they're reading this!).   They definitely agreed that some people can be draining and toxic....woefully so, I'm afraid...and it may be time to distance from a few people ....and let them learn to carry their own sticks.   

As for me, I'll try very hard to only pick up sticks that serve my purpose - the happy sticks, and to let the anger, judgement, guilt, sadness, mistrust, etc float by on the river.   






Sunday, May 31, 2020

Thissss......

This man said it so well!   He said what I couldn't say in my heart brokenness as I sat in shock, watching city after city being ravished by thugs!

Saturday, May 30, 2020

Unrest

How do I say what is on my mind and in my heart.  If I let go of my filter, my words will anger some.  Yet I need to get this off my chest.  

What happened to George Floyd was wrong,  pure and simple.  He was a victim of a bad cop....and 3 others stood by and did nothing.  Unjustified use of force, Unjustified level of restraint.  Senseless.   Heartbreaking, Sad.  I understand the anger at the injustice. I understand.

The act of one should not label all.

You scream racism?  

Is violence and destruction the way to protest a wrong?

Law Enforcement is being targeted all over the country because the death of George Floyd.  

Innocent peoples shops, stores are burned and looted.  

What does that prove?

I could give two shits about color.

But I'll tell you one thing right now.....what is happening...the violence in retaliation...does nothing but solidify my thought of you....thugs....mob mentality. 

You prove nothing by what you are doing.  Your actions speak loud and clear...and they do not speak of honor or show integrity. 

You want reform?  You want your life to matter and stop being labeled?

Do something honorable....do something in George's name!  

Look in the mirror. 

BE THE CHANGE!



Monday, May 25, 2020

Memorial Day 2020

A day of remembrance.  Not only for those that have passed in our lives, but also for those men and women who gave the ultimate sacrifice ... their lives....for this wonderful country of the United States of America.

We take so much for granted in our lives and in this nation, especially the tremendous gift of Freedom.   Freedom.   A powerful word, especially this year.    When Coronavirus (Covid-19) hit our borders, I believe Freedom took on an entirely different meaning for a lot of people.  And perhaps, for the first time in their lives, some truly understood why it is so important and why it needs to be protected at all costs.

As the country went in to isolation mode, the suspension of certain social liberties/freedoms made a lot of  citizens weary and apprehensive.  What would this mean?   How will we survive?  How long would this last?  What will the future look like?

We are urged to stay home and practice social distancing.   Stores shut down.  Bars, movie theaters, restaurants, personal care establishments.....closed.  Jobs lost. livelihoods lost.  Schools shut down, sports cancelled, the travel industry obliterated.  Grocery stores empty of  meat, milk, eggs, bread and basic staples because of fear.  Food chain broke down; grocery supplies can't get the product on the shelves because plants are shut down, yet farmers throw away produce or let their livestock perish because they can't get the product to the suppliers/plants.   Cost of their product dwindles  to nothing, yet the cost to the customer skyrockets.  

Tensions rise.  Political divide, prevalent before the virus, is downright malicious during the nationwide shutdown and reopening.   The greatest nation on earth....crippled.

Citizens are weighing in heavily and using their Freedom of Speech to voice concerns. Demonstrations to closures, re-openings, the right to wear a mask or the refusal to do so. The right to live life or the right to isolate.  The freedom to make the choice for ourselves.  

Yet, through all the uncertainty, through all the despair, there is Hope.   

While life isn't as we have known it in the past, and which may take on a different look in the future, there is a resiliency - a strength - in human nature seen before in this country through the generations.  

We are an innovative culture.  When doors close, we open them.  When we are told, no....we say yes.  When we are suppressed, we rise up.   In times of isolation or social distancing, reaching out to each other through technology to stay connected.  Neighbor helping neighbor, the fortunate helping less fortunate.  While alone, we are still together.

As in the past, we will rise past this time of conflict, despair and hardship.  We may be broken and battered....for now....but it is a temporary thing.  

Our human nature to survive will always win.
 





Sunday, May 10, 2020

Mothers Day

Today is Mother's Day for most people.....but for me it's just another day.   When my mother and mother-in-law were alive, I used to celebrate with them.  I'd buy cards, cakes, flowers and I'd always make sure that I saw them or called them - or both.   I miss those days.   I miss my Mom.     What I wouldn't give to call her up right now and tell her how much I love her and to hear her words of comfort.....or to feel her loving arms wrap around me and hold me as I pour my heart out to her.   She had a quiet way about her where she wouldn't say much....she'd just be there for me.   

She was an amazing woman who lived for her family.   Her number one priority was to see to her family and to make sure we had everything we needed in life.  She wasn't a confident woman....except when it came to her family.   In that sense she was a true matriarch.   Sometimes I feel as if we (my siblings) don't give my mother full credit or enough credit for how we all turned out.   Our father was such a polarizing man that our memories and thoughts always gravitate to him.   But Mom....Mom was the glue that held us all together.   She was soft spoken and had a funny way of scrunching up her nose when she laughed.    She was stern though and often the disciplinarian compared Dad's soft spoken ways.   Maybe that's why our memories turn to Dad more?     I don't know.   But what I do know is when Mom got riled up, you could see the fire in her eyes.  Then you'd better stand back.  LOL   (Sounds familiar).

I see a lot of my mother in all of my sisters.   Probably more so in my sister Judy though....just in her whole demeanor.   But every one of my sisters has my mother's loving qualities and deep, deep devotion to their families.    

I see those same carried on down to my nieces as they raise their families.   

If I could have her with me today, I'd love give her the biggest hug and never let her go.  I'd whisper in her ear how much I love her and how much she means to me.   And I'd pull back and look at her face, her eyes and her smile....and I'd memorize it and cherish that fresh memory to take with me in to my next 40 years.     

My mother's legacy....her love...lives on.








Sunday, April 19, 2020

I'm a Extrovert

I say that like it's a disease.  It's not....unless you're in the middle of social distancing.   I realize just how much of a people person I am.   While some may relax and really enjoy their time alone, I find that I crave human contact.  I don't necessarily need to talk to them, I just need to be around them.  

It's a bit of a conflict too.  I'm an empath.   I can feel peoples energy, good or bad.   So I should define my earlier statement by saying I miss positive energy.  :)  

Today I went for a bike ride.  It wasn't the longest ride because of the chill in the air this morning.  But I did get out and I did enjoy the time on my two-wheeled steed.   I saw people out walking their dogs, a neighbor and co-worker (Brian) working in his yard, several people sitting on their steps or porches having a cup of coffee in their robes or jammies, some having a smoke.   People were out and about and it was nice to see.  It was obvious that I'm not the only one going stir crazy.

I've been working from home for a month now.  I go in to the office one or two days a week.   While I definitely enjoy working at home, I wouldn't want a steady diet of it.   Going in to work, having a place to go, people to see, makes me happy.   I don't know what I'm ever going to do if and when I retire.   I get bored easily.  I have 8 -10 years to figure out my second act.  LOL


Sunday, April 12, 2020

Corona Virus

What a different and troubling world we are living in these days.    As I practice social distancing in my home, I listen to the newscasts and my heart sinks for the all the lives affected by this dreadful disease.   

As much as I want to sink my head in the hand like an ostrich, I cannot ignore the rampage and devastation that is spreading across the world.   Businesses have closed, people are laid off, children are schooled at home, parents working from home, limiting contact with others.    Not to mention the grief of families who have lost loved ones due to the virus or those struggling with those in seclusion while they fight through the illness.   

But for all it's devastation, the full affects will not be known for some time I'm sure, there seems to be a meek silver lining to all this sadness.  As the world was turning at proverbial breakneck speed, it seems to have stopped on it's axis just as quickly.   While we are being tested, we are only being made stronger.   More time is being spent at home with family, being inventive in the ways of connecting with family and friends through social media, spending time in reflection, enjoying the great outdoors, reading, listening to music, writing.   

We can be sure of one thing; whatever God or the Universe throws our way, we are a strong people and we will get through this.   We've survived tragedy before an we shall do so again.   While we will be tested, I' m quite sure that our resolve to prevail will bring us forward in to a new normal, however that shall look.  




Sunday, January 5, 2020

New Decade, New Year

If you're a blog stalker, you know that I don't really make New Year's resolutions.  But, what about new decade resolutions?  Is that even a thing?  I suppose it is if you make it one.

I've taken review of events of the last decade; my mother-in-law passing, death of my sister-in-law, marriage of my niece Karen, birth of my great-niece Iris, moving from the farm and in to town, celebrating 25 years of marriage this past September, 20-year  anniversary at work, ran a 5-K, started mountain biking and snow shoeing, losing friendships, making new friendships, readjusting to relationship or friendship dynamics (change), closing down my studio. There were probably more, less memorable events, I'm sure but nonetheless insignificant when the totality of everything rolled together brings me to who I am today.  

You can't help to but to take stock in the "who I am today" part of that last sentence.  More importantly, do I like who I am and where I am.   Every day, of course, is a chance to make each day better than the previous.  So why wouldn't you take the opportunity to do the same with a new year or decade?

Life is all about change; nothing is static.  There are so many moving parts, moving players, events.   To stay the same through it all, is to become stale or stagnant.   Without growth, withouth intention or desire to change, you're merely going through life on autopilot.   One of my mantra's has been "Life isn't a spectator sport," which I firmly believe.  

None of us can predict what life hands at us, but we can hope to be ready for whatever may pop up on our radar.  

Live in Spirit, live with intention, find joy in each moment, take responsibility for your life, your choices, and celebrate each milestone of the journey.   

Live a life worth living, each and every day.