Twenty Twenty Two

It's a frigid North Dakota Day...-19 this morning.   I'm on my couch, sipping a hot cup of coffee and reflecting on 2021, anticipating 2022.

To say that 2021 was a fantastic year would be on overstatement, yet it wasn't horrible either.  Living through another year of Covid was less than desirable but I made lemonade out of lemons wherever possible. 

I want a mantra or word  that will help me focus on 2022.  I've picked transforming.   Why?

Because I feel like a catapillar transforming in to a butterfly.   Everything around me is changing...rapidly...and I feel that my best self is evolving...transforming...on a daily basis.  I have the next 365 days to truly live life ...on my terms...no apologies

 I do not view this as being selfish or narcissistic.   I view my mantra as being strong, focused, active and determined.   In order to be any good to anyone, one must be happy with oneself.

My priority is Me, my health and my well being.  My diet, exercise and peace of mind will be my focus   Transformation will be my goal.  I will pull upon the support of family and friends willing to support my mantra.  Those unwilling to support me have chosen their status in my journey. 

I have the next 365 days to evolve ...transform.....from catapillar to butterfly. 

Let the journey begin. 

#believe #faith #transforming #lifejourney #improvedme  #strongerme #determined #soulsong

When To Give Up

We all have that job, friendship, relationship that is a struggle.  We give it everything we have, pour our soul in to it to make it work. Heartaches, miscommunications, doubt, trust, respect, are ebb and flow.  Nothing is 100% perfect at all times.  The best we can hope for is 50/50 most of the time.  But when do you know when to throw in the towel and walk away?  

Is it the tears?  The constant battle of trust/mistrust, valued versus disrespected?

At what point do you accept that the friendship/relationship/job is flawed....recognize it for what it is ...and just deal with it.  I mean, once you know what (who) you're dealing with, you can handle everything....right?

In theory....yes...but we all hit a breaking point.  We try and deal with a boss or supervisor that just.does.not.get it!  They're bi-polar, inconsistent, narcissistic and would rather berate you than to give acknowledgement. 

 Or the longtime friend that is constantly sucking the life from you ...constantly telling you their woes...and gives you nothing in return when you're in a time of need.

Perhaps its a spouse or significant other that doesn't participate in the relationship (monetary, domestic or emotional)

At what point...do you say...Enough?

Two-way Street

So maybe I am a bit neurotic.  Some may call me demanding, scared, controlling.  Pick an adjective and more than likely my name has been linked to it at some point in time.  I don't mind.  I normally dont give a flying F what people think of me, at least those on my outer radar or circle.  

What I do mind is lack of respect through lack of communication; or more accurately, the lack of communication.

In today's society, there is a plethora of communication avenues, more than there have ever been.  Yet, we seem so disconnected.  I don't expect a lot from people.  Quite frankly, I've lowered my expectations so much so that I'm rarely surprised or disappointed by others actions.  By the way, how sad is that?

But is acknowledgement too much to ask?

If I send a text wishing someone a good day, I  would hope that I'm worth the 10 seconds it takes to respond with a simple "thank you " "you too" or the very least a smiley emoji.

What really frosts my flakes is repeated ghosting or non responses to my text messages, calls or emails.  I dont get all up in people's business (it's not my style).  But if I am taking the time out of my day to share something with someone, the very Ieast the other person can do is respond.  And when the words "I was busy," are uttered, my brain hears you aren't important".  

When social invitations that are extended are not accepted or reciprocated, generally those invitations become less and less, then they become nonexistent; So be it with unacknowledged calls, texts or emails. 

Communication is a two way street, not a one way.

Beast of a Day...no..Week!

Make it stop!   This week has been insane, and it's only Wednesday!!

My co-workers say I'm spicy.  I call it standing up for myself.

I normally roll...and roll...and roll...until I can't roll any more.  Then the filter comes off and I speak my mind.  I don't do well with micro managers.  I'm almost 59 years old and have been doing my job for 23 years.  I know what needs to be done...and when.  So when I'm getting emails that 'poke' at MY work ethic, hell yeah I'm going to get spicey!  

I've found that communication,  or lack thereof, can make or break anything!.

Today was a prime example.  My facility went live in to Phase 3 visitation (from Covid).  All well and good, except I knew nothing about it..and I'm the Scheduling/Visitation officer.  To add fuel to the fire, there was no set schedule.  My immediate supervisor fires off an email that reads, and I quote, "you need to change from Phase 2 to 3 immediately."   My response?  Quote. "Gladly. When I know what the exact scedule is".  Went over like a lead balloon.  

 Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.  

Luckily for everyone involved, I was working remotely today.  The only one affected by my screamiing outrage was my husband...and the batteries on his hearing aides died!

I'm optimistic though.  Tomorrow is a new day...and I'm positive there will be another shit show that demands my immediate attention. 

I'm tired.

I'm tired.  Physically and mentally exhausted.   I normally exist on 6.5 - 7 hours but last night I got a solid 8.5 hours of sleep; that rarely happens to me.  

What's been going on?  Change. 

As much as I like to have plan A, B, C, D (and sometimes E) in place, I'm finding out that my neurotic Virgo self is struggling with recent changes in my universe.  None of which I can control, hence my mind chatter.   I know....I know....let that shit go and roll with it!  LOL  I think I've been doing ok, for the most part.....I mean, I haven't consumed an entire bottle of Merlot in one sitting, although I've recently given it a good shot.

This weekend has been a struggle for me, which I believe is why slept so much last night,  Even with the added sleep, today I'm lethargic and very much in my head. 

Did you know it is impossible for the mind to hold two opposing thoughts at the same time?  Yep, it's true.   When my mind goes down the rabbit hole of despair and anxiety, I quite literally have to talk myself out of the rabbit hole and do the point, counterpoint talk.    Do you know how exhausting it is to fight with yourself?  LOL   

The trick is to let the "let it go" counterpoint win the argument.  Easier said than done.  :)

Today I am not accomplishing any major tasks - I've given myself permission to wonder aimlessly through the house and do only what I feel like doing, which is nothing - other than making this post and reading in a book (for mind diversion).   

I'll be Ok, I always am.  I just need to trust the Universe and remember that everything happens for a reason.

It Was A Good Ride

I've been riding this summer, albeit shorter trips...until today.  Today my mood was all about "let's see what I can do!" I started out on even ground with pretty good speed.   Took a few hills. Some left turns, a few right turns...got distracted and made some wrong turns and even a few dead ends. I saw some beautiful sights and some that weren't.  I shifted gears when the road mandated it.  But the straight-a-way was freeing.  No matter what I encounter on my ride..it's Always a great ride!

When I think about it...my ride this morning was a pretty good analogy for my life...or anyone's, to be honest.  

We start each day with Belief in our hearts each day... "let's see what this day will bring!".   We hope for the straightaway where we can pick up speed and enjoy the view.  But some days we get the left turns, speed bumps, hills and valleys, and maybe a dead end or two.  But no matter what twists and turns each day brings...enjoy the day ...the ride...because tomorrow  "you get another chance to see what you can do!".  #ibelieve #sundayfunday #soultherapy #doingitforme #curvychick #fitchick #mindset

Hello, It's Me.

Allow me to reintroduce myself...I am Sherry.  I've been silent for far too long, but the voices in my head are full of chatter.

My anxiety has been at fever pitch for quite awhile..and today is no exception.  You know the phrase, "there is only one constant in life, and that is life is always changing".   Ohhh so true.

I'm a flexible person ..I truly am...but there are so many changes happening in my world that it's kicking my ass.  I'm a classic Virgo...I worry...about everything and everyone.  I worry about things that happened 20 years ago, relive conversations and speculate about "I wonder what they meant", and I worry about things that may not ever happen.  But me, being me, I want to plan the scenarios so that I'm prepared for every possible outcome...you know, so my anxiety is more manageable when "it happens, because I'll be 'prepared'.  What the hell, Sherry!!  Nothing like being a little neurotic!

My work world is changing,  my friend's lives are changing (yes, I have anxety FOR them too...because"how will their changes affect me?) and my personal life is changing. 

 Everything is changing and I am trying really hard to manage it all.  

The yoga teacher in me tells my brain to just breathe in, breathe out...to not worry and steal time from the beauty of today...to live in the present..this moment. 

 Ok.   In this monent, I'm a hot mess! 

I refer back to a mantra that I stated to myself every.single day six years ago when my anxiety and depression had me in the depth of despair. 

I am Sherry,

In all my messy glory.

I will breathe, I will live, I will survive.

Words

It's said we have 20,000 words roaming around in our brains every day.  Let me share a few of mine with you:  1) sometimes what is on the brain should not exit mouth unless a filter is engaged.  (A learned observation). 2) whatever you have packed for lunch will never be as satisfying as what you think you should've had for lunch (pizza), 3) once the temperature gets to zero, who cares....it's still frigging Cold! 4) I still don't have enough hours in a day 5) personal contact is Still The Best means of communication.  Stop and visit someone or pick up the phone....it's WAY better than a text or email 6) Stop being a lazy society....get involved...sometimes 'not my monkey, not my circus' is not an acceptable answer.  7)know the difference between being trusting and naive 8) everyone needs something or someone to Believe in, 9) it's OK not to have all the answers 10) we all have burdens.....remember to be kinder than necessary...and if you see someone struggling,  a simple "I am here for you" are the words that might just be the difference in that person's life.  Namaste

New Year Musings

Lunchtime Musings of a working superwoman.  1) At 4 degrees with a brutal wind, I avoid going outside at all costs. 2) I packed a salad for lunch.  Epic lunch fail. 3) the new eating plan I'm on is low carb, no alcohol or cheese.  Be forwarned and tred lightly! 4) The Bee Gees rock! 5) Pray for America 6) God Bless the inventor of heated seats 7) Post holiday blues have set in...bills and taxes.Lovely. 8) Whoever invented the necklace clasps to be so friggen small, shouldve been shot.   You have 1/in 20 chance of getting the little hoop thingy through it! 9) New Year and a 50/50 chance to accurately write the new year on the first try!  10) my one wish for everyone would be to never have to hear about JUstin Bieber or the Kardashians ever again.  Just sayin.  Lol