Emotional Rollercoaster
I didn't really want to go to work today; my heart wasn't in it. But after having two days off last week, I needed to show up and tackle my in-box. It was a valiant effort with few results. My mind kept going towards my brother, Ron, and how he was doing. He and Pearl were inseparable. Although I was far too young to know it (there's an 18 year age difference between us), I'm told that it was love at first sight when he saw Pearl. Something very rare these days.
My supervisor informed me that I get three days of bereavement leave. I'll be taking tomorrow off to go see my brother and his children as they have an informal meeting with the minister to recap the "life of Pearl", a chance for family to share thoughts and memories of Pearl...some of which may be used during the funeral on Thursday.
In the meantime, I'm reeling from emotion. Blogs stalkers, I'm OK. I'm not going to go down as far as I did when my mother in law passed away. I'm stronger now. My emotions are of concern for my brother Ron. He just lost the love of his life and best friend. My sister, Peggy, can relate - as her husband died 9 years ago. In her words, "he's strong, he'll be ok - but he'll do it on his terms."
Death is inevitable, we're all going to die at some point. I know this. As I think about my family, I know that the next several years - hopefully 10 or more - will be difficult years. I'm the youngest of six kids. My oldest sister is 75, Ron is 73, Judy 70, Peggy 69, Terry 61. My husband is 66. As we just witnessed by Pearl's death, it can come swiftly. While I'd like to believe everyone will live forever, that is not a realistic hope.
My heart already aches for the losses still to come.
The heart bow'd down by weight of woe,
To weakest hope will cling,
To thought and impulse while they flow,
That no comfort can bring;
With those exciting scenes will blend,
O'er pleasure's pathway thrown,
But memory is the only friend
That grief can call its own.
The mind will, in its worst despair,
Still ponder o'er the past,
On moments of delight that were
Too beautiful to last;
To long-departed years extend,
Its visions, with them flown;
For memory is the only friend
That grief can call its own.
~Alfred Bunn (1796–1860), "The Heart Bowed Down," music by Michael William Balfe
To weakest hope will cling,
To thought and impulse while they flow,
That no comfort can bring;
With those exciting scenes will blend,
O'er pleasure's pathway thrown,
But memory is the only friend
That grief can call its own.
The mind will, in its worst despair,
Still ponder o'er the past,
On moments of delight that were
Too beautiful to last;
To long-departed years extend,
Its visions, with them flown;
For memory is the only friend
That grief can call its own.
~Alfred Bunn (1796–1860), "The Heart Bowed Down," music by Michael William Balfe
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