Today's the first day of Autumn.  Wasn't it just July?  Seriously though, as much as I love summer, I do love
the beauty of fall.  The shift in season is welcomed; the cooler temps and early nights give me permission to downshift a bit.  I'm always aware of my S.A.D but know my triggers and how to do self care.

Today is a self care day.  I had every intention of going to the gym but my mind and body said No.  I unexpectedly lost one of my best friends last week. She was an amazing lady; her heart was pure gold.  She put everyone's needs before her own.  I miss her deeply and I'm trying to navigate through the days, weeks, months ahead.  

Today is a gloomy, rainy day; I'm giving myself permission to sit in my emotions, thoughts and memories. 

July is upon us;where has the time gone? I'm a glass half full type of person. I'm preferring to focus on cramming as much life as I can in to the remaining months.

I started my weekend on Wednesday night.  The Stutsman County Fair opened with Johnny Holm.  Of course I had to take Blaine on our annual Fair date.  This year we had a few tag alongs (hubby and Blaines best friend, Tyler). 

Thursday by hosting the DOCR Crisis Incident Response Team for a potluck picnic.  I've been the Chair if the team for a year and feel Im settling in to the role nicely. The work we do is crucial to staff experiencing trauma after responding to incidences in the prisons.  Lately there have been far too many incidences, ie fights and staff assaults. The staff assaults are so tough on responding staff but also staff who cannot respond and have to hear it play out on the radio. We talk staff through their trauma and guide them to further services if needed. I'm proud of the team and the work we do.

My friend Georgia is out of town as her mother passed.  I always check in on her cat. Zoey.  Well, Fridays checkin resulted in a trip to the veterinarian and medication and Zoey coming to stay at our house so I can keep an eye on her.  It's been awhile since we've had a house pet so it's been a bit of a change for us.  She's settling in though and I even assisted her with a video call to her human! Lol

My best friend, Rick, had rideo tickets for Tom and I so off we went on Friday.  It was a beautiful evening! When we were ranching, we were a sponsor. 

Saturday was a quiet day and today has been as well.  Other than harvesting rhubarb and making rhubarb crisp and giving all my flowers a midsummer trim, I really haven't done much.

I wasn't smart enough to take tomorrow off; I'll be one of the lucky few that will work Monday.  Tuesday is July 4th aka Independence Day of America 🇺🇸. We'll be celebrating with a shrimp boil in the backyard with nephew Robert and his family and possibly going to the stockcar races and maybe the fireworks afterward. Happy Birthday, America!!

What a great weekend!  T and I took off Friday morning and took backroads to Williston where we stayed the night.  We visited areas that I had never been to, took a few wrong turns, had some great road trip snacks (seriously, its all about the snacks!) and relaxed once we hit our hotel.

Saturday we tried to sleep in but it was a no-go!  We ate. fueled up the truck (got some more snacks!) and went to the Fort Union Rendezvous...which is a primitive pioneer camping excursion for die hards and a fun observation for us "not so much" diehards to ser how they did it back in the day!  It wasnt as large of an event as we'd thought it would be.  It was fun though. All in all, we were there from 9am to noon. We left and went to Fort Buford, drove and explored in to Montana and surrounding areas of Williston before heading to supper at my niece Wendi's home.  It was great to spend some time with her and husband Ryan.

Today, up and out by 8am!  We drove the North Unit of the Teddy Roosevelt National Park! Gorgeous!  We also decided to drive down to Medora and explore there and drive the South Unit.  Not as picturesque as the North but certainly beautiful on its own right.  After a picnic lunch, we set out for home.

It was relaxing, fun  and exactly what was needed to recharge the batteries!

Fort Union

The Missouri running through the North Unit

People really do show their true colors eventually. 

There are people that will keep you close and in their pocket to gain knowledge and ask favors of you when it's to their benefit.  But ohhh, you're hard pressed to obtain info or ask for a favor from them.   QuidProQuo is a one way street with them and it's in your direction.They'll sell you out in a heartbeat or throw you under the bus in order to shine like a rose.

The Narcicist is my personal favorite.  No matter the conversation, the topic always turns back to them...how they could've (did or can) do it better than anyone can possible imagine.   If it's not their idea, why even bother.  It's all about them and they'll inform you of that every chance they can.

The Dictator....not much to say here.  They're the micromanager and the control freak.  You literally cannot move without permission to do so.

The Pleaser or Goldenchild, they will do everything in their power to shine brightly like a diamond.  They'll jump and ask you how high.

The Manipulator.This one is like a bit tricky.   They'll work their asses off when they feel like it....or they don't.   No happy medium here. They spend more time trying to get out of work than actually doing it. 

And please don't get me started on cellphone usage.  Doesn't anyone have work ethics and integrity anymore?

Today was a movement day and it felt great!  For once my body was firing on all cylinders (I think that's a car reference to running great!) Lol.  

I was up at 6 am (couldn't sleep in if my life depended on it!), had some coffee on my patio, read a little bit then decided I needed to move.  My trusted two-wheeled steed and I headed out before it got too hot and did a short ride of 5 miles.  It was just enough to get the blood pumping and legs moving.  I could've stayed out all day but had plans for today.  More movement!   I did a build class at 11am and a base class at 12pm  followed by teaching Yoga at 1pm and teaching a recovery and relaxation class at 2pm.  I feel energized and accomplished!  I have a philosophy of "use it or lose it"...and while I can still use it, I'm going to.  I don't know what tomorrow brings, so I'm doing what I can today.   

The yoga student who suffered a tragic fall (TBI and subderal hematoma) in my class 6 weeks ago (she passed out and fell backwards 😢) came to the recovery and relaxation class today.  It sure was good to see her back!  She is still experiencing dizziness so doing Yoga is still out of the question for now.  Regardless, it did my heart good to see her in front of me. 

It's 1530 and I'm outside relaxing on my patio.  The sky is cloudy, it's 87 and thunder rolls all around me; it's rather calming.  I should take advantage of the post gym energy, but maybe I'll just relax and enjoy the sights and sounds of the brewing storms; they carry their own magic and energy.

Have you ever heard the phrase "everything happens for a reason"? I say it almost daily; I believe in it because I know the Universe, God,l or whatever Higher Power you believe in, is at work.  It's constantly guiding you to (or from) things, people or decisions.

I had something happen to me a few months ago that I knew had changed my life, I was just unsure what the 'reason' was.

Today the Universe revealed the 'Why'. It was a most heartwarming, heartfelt, honest, true 'reason' there could have ever been.  It's been in front of me all along...and I knew it, but it took the Universe to smack me alongside the head and say "THIS...This is the Reason!".

I hear you, loud and clear...message received, taken to heart, and fully embraced!  

may 28, 2023

It's a quiet Sunday.  I am giving myself permission to relax, no gym, no biking or household chores.  I'm sitting on my porch watching life happening around me, reading, listening to my wind chimes.  

It's Memorial weekend, the unofficial official start to summer.  Friday evening my siblings and I did our annual cemetery plot sprucing up.  Unfortunately the wind played havoc on our night and we cut our outdoor time short in favor of going to the local bar and grill for good food, cold beer, memories and laughter.  I've written about this before...I've gone to the cemetery every year since I was old enough to remember with my mother.  Later with my brother Terry (after parents passed) and now with my siblings in the last 12-15 years.   My sister Judy was unable to make it but we gained my great nephew Hayden.  Will he be the one to carry on the tradition when I'm no longer able to do so (as I'm the youngest of 6 in my family).  I worry about that, you know?  Who will carry on the traditions and keep our memories alive?

I planted all of my flowers Friday and yes, I ended up going back for more.  Lol.  I swear it's an addiction with me.  This one brings me peace and calm though...and I justify it with the fact that I don't smoke, I'm not a gambler (other than an occasional lottery ticket), I don't sit in the bar every night and the ND winters dictate that I will be outside to enjoy the beauty every day!  That's my story and I'm sticking to it! 

#smalltownlife #mypretties

#familylove #memories

may 25, 2023

I spent the night getting my garden ornaments set out. Normally its the last thing I do, rather like decorating a Christmas tree, you know? But as I haven't planted any flowers yet, my flower beds needed a bit of scjhzoozing up with color.  If all goes well and according to my plan, I will plant tomorrow night after the gym and Friday morning.  Everything has gotten so expensive so price necessitated that I reduced my flower budget in half.  Unless I hot the half price sales in June.  Lol

Last week was a fun week, in that I was invited to the kindergarten graduation of my lil adopted granddaughter.  Such a fun time and a privilege to sit with her parents.  There was a little episode with my watch; apparently clapping with enthusiasm triggers a "fall alert".  Who knew??!   Lol. My friend  Liz helped me shut it off after several minutes of alarms getting progressively louder.   It kept asking me if I needed assistance.   Well duh!  Shit the friggen thing off!  Ugggh.

I should've known it wouldn't be a secret though....and walked in to this sign tapped to my monitor Monday morning.  Young punks! Lol

I don't have plans for the Memorial holiday other than to garden, ride bike (time to get my extended rides going!) and open up the patio for people to visit if they choose.  Of course, if hubster has plans, those trump anything and we'll spend time together.  

may 18,2023

Yesterday afternoon and last night was a shit show of epic proportions.   I had to play the mean aunt and have a "come to jesus" moment with Blaine.  He's been given a long leash by his parents and me.  He lives independently is self sufficient in so far as he's not on any assistance.   Otherwise it takes a village and sometimes that village forgets we are dealing with a 42 yr old "14 yr old".   And what 14 yr old wants to clean his apartment or do his own laundry?  Right.

While I haven't talked to my brother about this, I laid down some new ground rules with him (and his girlfriend).  Now, it's going to be up to me to follow-up and not just for a while.  Blaine always does good for 'a while' until he falls off the radar.  Not this time, Blaine.  Sorry.

Then I was called in to help a 76 yr old lady (friend and former yoga student) who is in the nursing home.   She's cantankerous and burned all of her bridges with family members.  Now she's reaching out for help from the nursing home where she is rehabing for the next 6-8 weeks.  My intuition tells me I'll be called more often.  My fear is that she'll ask me to be her emergency contact.  I cannot take in that additional response right now.  I just can't. 

Today, so far, has been an okay day other than the fact that I'm tired, stressed and cold.  We had a cold front move through that's brought down smoke from Canadian wildfires.  It's choking out our sun, dangit.   C'mon Canada....get with the program here! 😉

may 17, 2023

It's Wednesday and my day is ok.  I'm working remotely today and it's been quite the day.   My day started out with two little girls.  Their mother had a schedule conflict and needed someone to get her girls to school.  I was able to have them from 720 until about 750 then trucked them off to school but not before getting a selfie with them in honor of "sunglasses day."

Then my sister stopped over for a bit to share all the craziness in her life.   And my best friend Rick called to tell me exciting news in his life..ie new relationship with Vickie.  

My mind isn't really on work right now as it is gorgeous outside.   I love hearing the birds chirping and feeling the breeze wafting in through the windows. 

I'm having some emotional issues ...feelings...

that I'm having difficulty putting in to words or putting a word to.  I am busy yet, not.  I am fulfilled, yet not.  I'm strong, yet not.  I'm happy, yet not.  I'm living, yet not.  So hard to describe.  I am concerned.  I do so much for everyone...I am that friend that everyone calls on for help.  I pride myself on being "that friend"....yet sometimes I feel as if I'm an afterthought (burden) to them when I need a shoulder. They've never done anything to make me think that...it's a perception I have...perhaps because I have difficulty opening up to people and letting them in.  So maybe it's me?  

I just don't feel like I'm living my best life right now...like there has got to be more.  I'm blessed snd I am grateful for what I have..truly, I am...there are so many people less fortunate than me. I'm just feeling like I'm going through the motions of living.  Is this what every (almost) 61 yr old feels?

may 9, 2023

Today was a fairly good day.  Blaines scooter still isn't fixed so my day started with getting him to work.  I may have spoiled him a bit by buying him a McDonald's breakfast. He sure didn't argue. Lol

Tom is coming down with a cold...again.  I don't know what is going on with his immune system.  So I am loading him up with Emergent-C and Vicks  Hopefully that'll help kick it! 

I went for my first ride of the season tonight.  What a gorgeous night!  There were people outside everywhere enjoying the night, walking dogs, gardening, playing ball and just living life!  It was great to see...especially after the 6 months of winter we had.

may 8, 2023

Today was another manic Monday.  My mood certainly matched the weather...cloudy and rainy.

Blaines scooter is still out of commission so I was his transportation for the day.  He is always a bright spot in an otherwise dreary day.  I am hoing to need to get in to his apartment though. My brother hasn't spent a lot of time with Blaine the past months.  And left to his own devices, Blaine isnt overly concerned with laundry or household tasks. He has a double whammy....he's a guy and his mental handicap has him lacking on time and task...meaning he's not a self starter.  Can't say I blame him on that..I tend to procrastinate on the household stuff myself.

I am considering adding in two more classes at the gym.  One would be a flexibility and relaxation class  on Sundays followed by a yoga flow class

 They may not start until the fall when I don't mind being indoors.  With summer arriving soon, I'd like to be able to be outside gardening or riding bike.  I'll meditate it a bit and let the a answer come to me on what would work best for me. The Universe always has my back.🙏

Lots of Stuff

To say last week was a shit show is an understatement.   Where to start....

I hurt my back and couldn't sit, stand, walk or lay....so ya, that was fun!

Then, my 76 yr old yoga student (who's been with me for 20 years) fell backwards from a standing pose. An ambulance ride to the ER to learn she had a skull fracture and subderal hematoma.  Ya, I won't forget that anytime soon!

The bright spot is our snow is melted (pretty much), I took my Christmas decorations down (finally) and my best friend is in a new relationship and enjoying life again.

What's on my agenda this week?  Throw myself back in to the gym and teaching yoga.  My back is feeling 98% better but I'll still need to take care of it a bit. I'll be taking my bike in for a safety check because this girl has some serious riding to do this year.  

25 years

It's rare that anyone stays at a job for 25 years. It's even more rare for someone with a mental handicap.  My 42 yr old nephew, Blaine, celebrated 25 years with Wal-Mart yesterday!  Quite an accomplishment I'd say! 👏 

There is no one more proud than Blaine himself.  He is 100% self supporting in that he lives alone, pays his bills, has a savings and a 401K, plus is active in Special Olympics and the University of Jamestown sports program.  

Does it take a village? Yep! Does he have limitations in understanding time, money, task, and exhibit poor impulse control at times? Again, yes.  Does he have a malicious bone in his body? NO.  Does he want to be loved, appreciated and valued as a person?  Yes!  Probably more so because of his handicap.   But, tell me this.....why is he any different than you or me? (other than his handicap, ie 14 yr old intellectual age).

I'm close to Blaine.  Do I hold him accountable for his actions? Sure do! Do I love him unconditionally? Wholeheartedly....as I would any member of my family.

I'm so proud of Blaine!

 

Friendship

Do you have a best friend? 

No?

You should!

My best friend knows me better than I know myself. In my silence, they check in with a "what's up? Talk to me!" text.  

In my elation or uber annoying times, they tell me to shut up!  It's how we roll.  

We're painfully honest with each other but don't hold it against each other. When they sit me down and tell me something I need to hear, no matter how painful it may be, I know it is coming from a place of love. 

We laugh, cry, support each other and have each other's backs.

They're my 3am friends...the ones I can call when life is messy, no matter the time or day.

My life is better with them in it! They know who they are, they know they're in my life so resistence is futile! #pinkyswear

Well Shit!

Stupid ND weather!  Who knew that we'd experience two back to back storms, one of the on the day we were to fly to AZ?!  My traveling companions didn't want to reschedule so we opted for a travel voucher to go another time (we luckily had trip insurance).  I was bummed. Several friends were pushing me to go anyway without the other two.  I could have but it wouldn't have felt right ...I  couldn't be selfish like that and do that to them.   I've always been a Trust the Timing kind of gal and there was some reason (other than weather) why we weren't supposed to be there.  

Instead, I ticked off a couple of major cleaning projects instead.  I won't have those hanging over my head when Spring finally does arrive.  When it's time to be outside, that is where I'll be, digging in the dirt, biking, reading, sipping wine and chilling. 

Until then, I'm catching up on some minor things (cleaning out my sock drawer!), reading, journaling and watching Netflix (you have to check out The Night Agent!).  

Two sleeps left of my vacation then it's back to work.  Not the vacation I had planned, but I'm relaxed, recharged and ready to get back to a routine.  

Happy Easter 🐣 

Six sleeps and a Wakeup

...until I get out of the frozen northland and fly to sunny Arizona. I cannot wait!  To say my mental health has taken a nosedive recently is an understatement.  I'm over it.

So a full week in AZ visiting my friend Donna ...along with friends Ginny and Vicki are exactly what I need.  Hopefully we won't run in to any travel issues.  We are headed to the Renaissance Fair on Sunday then a day at the arboretum, Santan Flats and the Flea Market.  Other than those planned trips, everything is going to be winging it. Personally I'm looking forward to hanging out on her patio, drinking wine, visiting and soaking up the sun.

Loss

There are times in life that are pivotal and you know that life will never be the same ever again.

I've had two such days in my life.  One was eight years ago, the other was today.  Both days were a result of my choice to do the right thing.  Both hurt like hell. 

I  will forever Believe that everything happens for a reason.  The Universe brings things or people to us for a multitude of reasons....a lifetime, a lesson to be learned or a season.  

I do not know what this lesson is teaching me right now, all I can do is ask the Universe for grace and to guide me as I navigate through my thoughts.

I  Will Forever BELIEVE. 

Today's Thought

This picture pretty much sums it up for me.

President's Day 2023

I'm not going to lie, I'm digging having a 3-day weekend, Monday off! I have a few years (7) until full retirement but seriously think I could handle going part-time 32-36 hours per week. Am I ready for full retirement? Hell No. II'd be bored silly. I'd end up getting a job anyways, so might as well stay where I'm at?

I didn't do a lot this weekend.  Did a yoga class Saturday,  cleaned, watched a movie.  Sunday was a double workout day then met up with my  best forever friend for some quality time.  We haven't had that for a very very long time, and I missed that connection. To say our timing has sucked is an understatement but perhaps yesterday was the start of the tides changing.

Today I had my annual wellness visit.  I'm basically a healthy person.  Yes, I have the usual aging things...arthritic knee, shrinking body, expanding waistline, but overall I feel I'm doing good for 60.5 years old.   

Tomorrow is back to work and it's my long short week....meaning 9 hr days but off at noon on Friday.   I'm starting to do some indoor spring cleaning projects...organizing. I want things tidied up inside so once spring arrives in the northland I can be outside.  I have goals....garden, biking, patio, wine.  

All in all, I'm doing well....living life one day at a time.

sickness

Did I mention I hate being sick? Just a T is recovering from Covid, I come down with a nasty bug on Tuesday. Woke up in the middle of the night with multiple trips to the bathroom (I'll spare you the details), horrendous headache and bodyaches, and so soooo tired!. Quite honestly thought I was going to die. Of course, since T had Covid, I immediately tested. Nothing. I guess that's ok, but what I had were all the same symptoms he had. I've tested negative two days in a row now. 

My workplace has a "2 day" rule...if you're sick more than 2 days, you need a doctor's note to return. Although I'm still experiencing gastrointestinal yucks, I guess I'll be going to work in the morning (with an extra pair of loones in my purse...just in case).

For tonight, it's heating pad on my back, plenty of liquids, and Immodium (IYKYK).

Emergency Room

I was supposed be in Bismarck for crisis training this morning. Instead, I took my husband to the emergency department. He'd been up since 1am with extreme diarrhea and vomiting. He was so week, he fell on the way to the bathroom. I was able to get him up and told him I was taking him to the hospital. He didn't argue. 

Diagnosis: Covid with dehydration. They kept him until 1030 to get his nausea under contol and get a bag of fluids in him.  

He's been sleeping since we got home, except to take his nighttime meds (Paxlovid). 

This is the 2nd time he's had Covid; The first was October 30th. This 

one is way worse than the first time.  I'm keeping an eye on him, and myself too.   Fingers crossed.

Hello Again, My Friends

January 2, 2023. Here I am...here WE are. I say it every year, but where has the time gone?

I cannot, nor would I, attempt to recap 2022 for you. My lack of blogging indicates I was either extremely busy, procrasting or disinclined to blog. The fact that I'm doing so today indicates a willingness to pick up the pen, so to speak, and once more bore my blog stalkers with my mundane life in a small town on the central prairie of North Dakota. 

The New Year brings the opportunity for me to do better. I 

do not make resolutions for the new year. I choose to treat each sunrise as the opportunity to do better, to make changes, and to live my authentic self (when I figure out what that is).

With the world spiraling at breakneck speed, I hunger for the silence and simplicity of life. Perhaps those two things 

...three things...will become my mantra ...live autentic self in simplicity and silence.