Beast of a Day...no..Week!

Make it stop!   This week has been insane, and it's only Wednesday!!

My co-workers say I'm spicy.  I call it standing up for myself.

I normally roll...and roll...and roll...until I can't roll any more.  Then the filter comes off and I speak my mind.  I don't do well with micro managers.  I'm almost 59 years old and have been doing my job for 23 years.  I know what needs to be done...and when.  So when I'm getting emails that 'poke' at MY work ethic, hell yeah I'm going to get spicey!  

I've found that communication,  or lack thereof, can make or break anything!.

Today was a prime example.  My facility went live in to Phase 3 visitation (from Covid).  All well and good, except I knew nothing about it..and I'm the Scheduling/Visitation officer.  To add fuel to the fire, there was no set schedule.  My immediate supervisor fires off an email that reads, and I quote, "you need to change from Phase 2 to 3 immediately."   My response?  Quote. "Gladly. When I know what the exact scedule is".  Went over like a lead balloon.  

 Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.  

Luckily for everyone involved, I was working remotely today.  The only one affected by my screamiing outrage was my husband...and the batteries on his hearing aides died!

I'm optimistic though.  Tomorrow is a new day...and I'm positive there will be another shit show that demands my immediate attention. 

I'm tired.

I'm tired.  Physically and mentally exhausted.   I normally exist on 6.5 - 7 hours but last night I got a solid 8.5 hours of sleep; that rarely happens to me.  

What's been going on?  Change. 

As much as I like to have plan A, B, C, D (and sometimes E) in place, I'm finding out that my neurotic Virgo self is struggling with recent changes in my universe.  None of which I can control, hence my mind chatter.   I know....I know....let that shit go and roll with it!  LOL  I think I've been doing ok, for the most part.....I mean, I haven't consumed an entire bottle of Merlot in one sitting, although I've recently given it a good shot.

This weekend has been a struggle for me, which I believe is why slept so much last night,  Even with the added sleep, today I'm lethargic and very much in my head. 

Did you know it is impossible for the mind to hold two opposing thoughts at the same time?  Yep, it's true.   When my mind goes down the rabbit hole of despair and anxiety, I quite literally have to talk myself out of the rabbit hole and do the point, counterpoint talk.    Do you know how exhausting it is to fight with yourself?  LOL   

The trick is to let the "let it go" counterpoint win the argument.  Easier said than done.  :)

Today I am not accomplishing any major tasks - I've given myself permission to wonder aimlessly through the house and do only what I feel like doing, which is nothing - other than making this post and reading in a book (for mind diversion).   

I'll be Ok, I always am.  I just need to trust the Universe and remember that everything happens for a reason.

It Was A Good Ride

I've been riding this summer, albeit shorter trips...until today.  Today my mood was all about "let's see what I can do!" I started out on even ground with pretty good speed.   Took a few hills. Some left turns, a few right turns...got distracted and made some wrong turns and even a few dead ends. I saw some beautiful sights and some that weren't.  I shifted gears when the road mandated it.  But the straight-a-way was freeing.  No matter what I encounter on my ride..it's Always a great ride!

When I think about it...my ride this morning was a pretty good analogy for my life...or anyone's, to be honest.  

We start each day with Belief in our hearts each day... "let's see what this day will bring!".   We hope for the straightaway where we can pick up speed and enjoy the view.  But some days we get the left turns, speed bumps, hills and valleys, and maybe a dead end or two.  But no matter what twists and turns each day brings...enjoy the day ...the ride...because tomorrow  "you get another chance to see what you can do!".  #ibelieve #sundayfunday #soultherapy #doingitforme #curvychick #fitchick #mindset

Hello, It's Me.

Allow me to reintroduce myself...I am Sherry.  I've been silent for far too long, but the voices in my head are full of chatter.

My anxiety has been at fever pitch for quite awhile..and today is no exception.  You know the phrase, "there is only one constant in life, and that is life is always changing".   Ohhh so true.

I'm a flexible person ..I truly am...but there are so many changes happening in my world that it's kicking my ass.  I'm a classic Virgo...I worry...about everything and everyone.  I worry about things that happened 20 years ago, relive conversations and speculate about "I wonder what they meant", and I worry about things that may not ever happen.  But me, being me, I want to plan the scenarios so that I'm prepared for every possible outcome...you know, so my anxiety is more manageable when "it happens, because I'll be 'prepared'.  What the hell, Sherry!!  Nothing like being a little neurotic!

My work world is changing,  my friend's lives are changing (yes, I have anxety FOR them too...because"how will their changes affect me?) and my personal life is changing. 

 Everything is changing and I am trying really hard to manage it all.  

The yoga teacher in me tells my brain to just breathe in, breathe out...to not worry and steal time from the beauty of today...to live in the present..this moment. 

 Ok.   In this monent, I'm a hot mess! 

I refer back to a mantra that I stated to myself every.single day six years ago when my anxiety and depression had me in the depth of despair. 

I am Sherry,

In all my messy glory.

I will breathe, I will live, I will survive.