Happy Hour Chatter

Yesterday was truly a gift.  The temperature for February 27th was beautiful; I believe it hit 63 here. I had one yoga class, but my second didn't show.  So I called Becky and we went for a walk for an hour. It was positively beautiful and it was great to be able to reconnect with Becky. Brainerd called and invited me to lunch, which means he wanted me to buy lunch cuz he ran out of money. It's alright...it gave me some much needed Blaine time. The plan was to go home and do more purging.  It was too nice.   I changed clothes and went for a bike ride.  A 9.65 mile bike ride that took me to my happy place.  I love it when I can escape from reality and be free of worry or responsibility - if even for a short while.

We were watching an episode of Sons of Anarchy last night.  In that episode, Gemma had to put her father (suffering from dementia) in to a care facility.   The father was pleading with her, "I want to go home," "Don't leave me here"  "I don't want to stay".    Gemma broke down crying.   And so did Tom. He was sobbing .  I stopped the show and went over to him and asked him what was wrong.   He said that was the exact same thing that happened to him and Ella.   She would plead with him to take her home every time he visited with her - and that he felt he was responsible for her death. I've always felt that he hadn't dealt with her death - grieved - as he jumped right in to "executor of the estate" mode, then bought the house and started demolition within days.   Last night he said that while living in town is a good idea (due to his age, health, my working in town, etc.), buying her house wasn't the best idea ...

At some point, the house will be ready.  Not sure that I will be, but I'm going to have to be, like it or not. We've gone furniture shopping.  I don't have a decorative bone in my body, so can't visualize how things might look.  T and I have very different tastes and ideas.  At one point he even said, "well Mom had it like this".   Not a smooth move. It took several deep breaths to let that one go.  We haven't ordered anything yet, but will soon.  Next agenda item is ordering blindes for the windows.  I think we're in agreement there. I took March 3 and 4th off to clean...hoping that all the work will be done in the house.  It'll be a full year on March 21st that we've been dealing with all of this. I'm tired and just want to move forward with the next chapter of life...whatever that brings. I'm looking forward to being able to spend time with friends.  Roles will be reversed as Tom will be driving out to the farm to take care...

My friend Donna and I went to Fargo to visit our friend, Lance, in the hospital.  He just had surgery on his mouth for cancer.  He's going to be out for a while, but unfortunately doesn't have any leave built up.  I'm hoping I can donate to him and help him out a little. We took his wife, Sarena, also friend and coworker out for dinner so she could have a break from the hospital. She's a tough lady.  Their family has gone through so much....they need a break.  Donna and I had a great time and a heart to heart talk about life, relationships, hopes, dreams.  She's in my circle of "besties" and perhaps understands me the most. Relationships are always evolving, changing, and I feel that I'm fortunate to have Life Walkers....those certain few who will be with me through my life time...through thick and thin.  I know that there will be times they fade in and out due to their life circumstances. The most important thing to remember is that the heart bond...

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my mother-in-law's death.   It was an emotional day for me.  This last year - the last chapter - of my life has taken so many twists and turns.  The emotional turmoil that I've been through is - and has been - overwhelming.   It's brought  me to my knees too many times - more than I care to admit.    But I've survived yet another storm. I'm not the same person I was a year ago.  I've come through another fire, another chapter, in my life.   I didn't break.  Am I stronger?  I don't know.   I feel...different.  Less open, less optimistic, more realistic. Which is sad, actually.   I've always been a "life through rose colored glasses" type of gal.  Now, I'm not.  I have some heart scars that will heal (or soften) in time.  But here's the thing... I know that there are many more chapters in my life that wi...

Sometimes, in conversations, you need to listen to the unspoken words.  They can speak volumes. I've always been a face value person, but recently have had so many conversations that, when the light bulb finally turned on, the true meaning of the words were in what wasn't being said. Some may say that my head is thinking too much, or that paranoia has set in.  I don't believe this to be true.  What I believe is most people want to avoid confrontation and pain.  Rather than speak what is on their minds, they'll tell you what you want to hear.  But a keen eye will watch actions, timing of spoken words, and be able to get the gest of what is implied. Example:  So, "what are you up to?" Sounds like a person is interested in you.  But when that question is paired with "I haven't seen you around much"  one might detect the person is really saying, "you sod!, you're too busy to give me a call?" It's actually quite interesting and v...

I'm not quite sure how to close off my heart to protect it from negative people and their energy.  I pride myself on living with an open heart, helping others through their struggles.  But sometimes a person enters my path that has nothing but dark energy and negativity. They suck the life right out of me.  I need to armour up and protect myself so I'm not so vulnerable to their darkness. I've been trying to say quiet, but their vibrations overload my senses.  I'm drained at the end of the day.  Obviously that strategy isn't working. A friend who also feels energy said she "pulls a curtain" over herself and doesn't react with any words or emotions that would "open the doorway" to them. I'm going to try to visualize that and see if it works.  Worth atry.