Wednesday, May 6, 2009

TODAYS Joke!

oh my gosh! This is too funny!
 
COWBOY IN A GAY BAR
 
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar.
 
But what the heck, he says to himself, "I can really use a drink."
 
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your wee-wee?"
 
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that, all I want is a drink."
 
The gay waiters says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your wee-wee.  Mine for instance is called "Nike," for the slogan, "Just Do It," and that guy down at the end of the bar calls his, "Snickers," because if really "Satisfies."
 
The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second or so to think it over.
 
So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"  The man looks back and says with a smile, "Timex," and the thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?"  The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"
 
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"
 
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One."  Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
 
The guy next to him then says, "I call mine "CHEVY, Like a Rock" and gives him a wink.
 
Even more shaken the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name.  He exclaims, "The name of my wee-wee is 'SECRET', now give me a dang beer."
 
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"
 
The cowboy says:  "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!" 
 



 

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A new man in my life...

Yes, there is a new man in my life.  I've committed to him for a year  - at least once a month.  He promises to take my body to new heights and make me drip with sweat! 
 
His name is Levi, and he's my personal trainer. 
 
Ok - you can all start breathing again!  Geeez!!!  (LOL)
 
He is a trainer at the new gym that I've joined.  I met with him recently to discuss the fact that I'm in this hormonal state and seem to want to gain 10lbs when I even look at food.  
 
I was also lucky enough to also meet his father, Brad, who has been a Master Certified Trainer for the last 25 years. Between the two of them, they gave me a lot of ideas about a workout program and what I can expect from Levi (and what he expects from me).  Although I "was" in fairly good shape (before the winter from hell!), I expect there is a lot more that I can be doing to improve my health. 
 
I'm really excited about this and hope to be a lean, mean, yoga machine! ~LOL~
 
Have a great day everyone!
 
 
 

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Techno Stuff

Ok - so like I finally decided that I have this blogging thing down pretty good. Now I should spread my wings. Facebook? MySpace? Twitter?

Twitter. (Points to the side bar).

You can all now follow me when I get a drink, fold laundry, or anything else that I deem absolutely necessary for my fan base to know! (I won't let you know when I go to the little girls room though - I DO have my limits!) ~L~

I'm going to give it a shot for a little while and see how it goes. If I absolutely can't live without twitter, I'll keep it.

Take care and see ya around!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Judge Not

I received this in an email this morning and thought it worth sharing.  Happy May Day everyone!
BY GRACE ARE YE SAVED

I was shocked, confused, bewildered 
As I entered Heaven's door, 
Not by the beauty of it all, 
Nor the lights or its decor.. 

But it was the folks in Heaven 
Who made me sputter and gasp-- 
The thieves, the liars, the sinners, 
The alcoholics and the trash.. 

There stood the kid from seventh grade 
Who swiped my lunch money twice. 
Next to him was my old neighbor
 
Who never said anything nice. 

Herb, who I always thought 
Was rotting away in hell, 
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine, 
Looking incredibly well. 

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal? 
I would love to hear Your take. 
How'd all these sinners get up here? 
God must've made a mistake. 

'And why's everyone so quiet, 
So somber - give me a clue.' 
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
 
No one thought they'd be seeing you.' 


JUDGE NOT.