I've purposely been missing in action.  Until recently, I haven't realized the intensity of my stress level has been.  After my return from Arizona, my energies were put towards work, getting caught up on my workload (which is non-ending), training my co-team lead on the grievance procedure, meetings, setting up a policy procedure and incorporating a new person into our team dynamics.  I have always been prideful of my ability to handle stress and multi-task; I thought I was doing well.   Until I wasn't.

Tom and I left April 19th for a scheduled vacation; I scheduled two full weeks out of the office.  In my attempt to have everyone set up to carry on while I was gone (including having all of my work done and staff cross trained to handle things while I was gone), I realized how beat down, stressed and tired I was.  Being the senior staff in the office, I have taken on the mentorship role (of sorts) to the younger staff in the office.  My co-team lead is phenomenal, and we work well together on so many levels.  But at times I feel that she looks to me for guidance on certain things; other times she's the proverbial bull in a china shop (her words, not mine!).

While traveling, each day I felt the stress and tension begin to fall away from my shoulder and I felt 'at ease' with myself; I haven't felt that in a while.  I started to also realize how neglectful I've been towards my health.  On more than one occasion, I would cancel my planned workouts in order to stay at work and 'get ahead of things' for the next day.  I wasn't the over-achiever but rather trying to reduce my stress level at trying to get the work done so that I wouldn't have to face it the next day.  Worse yet, I wasn't getting paid overtime for it.  I did 'flex' out some of those hours, but not near what I should have. I didn't want to take the time away because then I'd feel more stress with the work facing me on my return.   Wow!

I don't like what the stress has been doing to my mental health and my body. For me to cancel my workout plans to stay and work is just insane.  I'm pretty sure my tombstone will not read "Here lays a dedicated State employee".  

I'm 62 years of age. I've already put the Warden and staff on notice that my absolute last day of work in office will be December 31, 2027.  I have made no secret about that. Every year I age, Tom ages as well (he'll be 75 in December). If I can figure out the insurance thing until I hit Medicare age, I may just try and go sooner. It's the whole money thing, you know?  Also, what will I do when I retire...get another job?  If that's the case, I should stay working at my current job and stack my retirement funds.  Ugh, decisions!!

Then there is the 'age' thing at work; I won't say it's outright age discrimination but there certainly are some age jokes being told around me and to me.  I hate that.  I don't want to become irrelevant because of my age.  Maybe that's a factor of my stress as well?  I mean, maybe -in my subconscious - I feel I need to be a step above so the 'young'uns' don't make fun of me?  

So yeah, I've been purposely MIA; I unplugged from the news and all social media.  All in an effort to de-stress, work through my 1–2-year plan, set personal boundaries so that I don't feel this stressed again.  Stop going in early, staying late and stop canceling workouts! Mentor, yes; take on everyone's problems and try to fix them, NO.  Boundaries, Sherry! 

We'll see how this works for me.   Stay tuned!