Exhale Slowly

Sometimes I get ahead of myself.  I over think the crap out of situations and let worry and anxiety take a hold of me.  My heart feels heavy, shoulders burdened and my head feels like it's in a vice grip.    I know this about myself and yet some days I'm powerless to stop the train wreck in my mind.   It never used to be this way. 

There are a series of events happening in my life that I cannot control.  Things that will ultimately affect me in the long run.  I cannot change those outcomes by worrying about them.  But as a dear friend just said to me, "I have faith in you, so breathe deeply, exhale slowly, and repeat if necessary."  So very, very true!   The Universe will show it's hand eventually - I just need to trust in it and learn to roll with whatever cards it throws me.

Today wasn't a good day for me.  I was busier than crap at work, playing catch up.  Although I was busy, my mind still had time to play - to worry and cause anxiety and stress.  My saving grace was that I was able to talk to a friend and let off some steam.  And, I hit the gym.  Nick, once more, saw me in full blown anxiety mode.  And once more, he helped me work through it.  I don't know what I'd do without working out at the gym, yoga or bike riding.  It's been my salvation more often than not.  I told Nick that I was feeling and that I knew that the gym was exactly where I needed to be, and that I needed to use the stress and anxiety to step it up a notch.  His response?  "Use the force.."   Yes Nick...yes I will.  :)

Blaine stopped over tonight and had supper.  We talked.  He has a few anxieties of his own.  I'm glad that I was in a better frame of mind so that I could help him talk through his.  It was his birthday yesterday -(also my sister Peggy's) - and he received a Fitbit Blaze from his parents for his birthday present.  As his father left for Germany, I was tasked with helping him set up his Fitbit.  I've said it a 1,000 times and I'll say it a 1,000 more - he is the light of my soul.   Blaine and I have a tight bond, we always will.   I know it's not fair to my other nieces and nephews, and I hope they understand.  I don't love them any less...it's just the bond I have with Blaine goes back to when he was a baby and I held him on my chest while he was sleeping as I was babysitting him. 

I hope I was able to help him a little bit.  In truth, he helped me. 

So tonight I am continuing to breathe deeply, exhale slowly, and repeat as necessary.