Feel Alive
I've been dealing with my mother-in-law since we admitted her to the nursing home last Wednesday. It's difficult to see her there in this state. She's always been a symbol of strength in my mind, always finding ways to get exercise and had the "I'll do it" mentality. Not so much now. She's in a lot of pain and has lost her appetite. She weighs 87 lbs fully clothed. Her lack of appetite is affecting her physical state; she is weak and all she wants to do is sleep. I worry about her a great deal. While I hope for the best, I fear for the worst if things do not turn around for her, soon. Tom is trying to be strong but I know he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. I worry about him too. I do as much as I can to assure him that it'll be alright, but I know his mind is constantly working about what needs to be done if, and when, his mother passes.
As for me, having Ella has brought back memories from when my mother and grandmother were in the nursing home. In fact, Ella is in the same room that my grandmother was in. She was 94 when she passed away in '95. In a lot of respects, they remind me of each other.
I'm doing alright for the most part. I feel an incredible amount of stress laying on my shoulders right now. Work is definitely busy and challenging. I am getting more work projects piled on me; I'm expected to do more with no extra time (or pay). I keep telling myself that it's job security and I can handle anything they throw at me and it's my time to show them just how valuable of an employee I am. :) Then there is the incredible low morale at work. It seems that no one is happy - from management all the way down to line staff. I have so many people coming to me with their thoughts, concerns and issues - that I feel this overwhelming need to Fix it. Somehow. I had a letter drafted to send to the members of the Management Team, but I thought better of it. Timing is everything and that letter was written after three glasses of wine after a particularly emotional day. While I haven't hit the Send button, I WILL find a way to convey the concerns of the many who have trusted in me to listen to them.
The title of this post is Feel Alive. I have to keep reminding myself to Live Each Day- to be present in the moment and not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to happy whether I worry about it or not. So I find things that make me feel good and stress less. I went for an incredible bike ride yesterday. I rode 15 miles through the Pipestem and towards my house. Incredible and beautiful. The memory of sitting on waters edge enjoying the view will be forever etched in my memories. I was Alive and in the moment; peaceful is the only way it could be described. Reality did rear it's ugly head later in the day as I visited Ella in the nursing home, but I was more able to handle it because of the peaceful and enjoyable morning that I'd had.
As for me, having Ella has brought back memories from when my mother and grandmother were in the nursing home. In fact, Ella is in the same room that my grandmother was in. She was 94 when she passed away in '95. In a lot of respects, they remind me of each other.
I'm doing alright for the most part. I feel an incredible amount of stress laying on my shoulders right now. Work is definitely busy and challenging. I am getting more work projects piled on me; I'm expected to do more with no extra time (or pay). I keep telling myself that it's job security and I can handle anything they throw at me and it's my time to show them just how valuable of an employee I am. :) Then there is the incredible low morale at work. It seems that no one is happy - from management all the way down to line staff. I have so many people coming to me with their thoughts, concerns and issues - that I feel this overwhelming need to Fix it. Somehow. I had a letter drafted to send to the members of the Management Team, but I thought better of it. Timing is everything and that letter was written after three glasses of wine after a particularly emotional day. While I haven't hit the Send button, I WILL find a way to convey the concerns of the many who have trusted in me to listen to them.
The title of this post is Feel Alive. I have to keep reminding myself to Live Each Day- to be present in the moment and not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to happy whether I worry about it or not. So I find things that make me feel good and stress less. I went for an incredible bike ride yesterday. I rode 15 miles through the Pipestem and towards my house. Incredible and beautiful. The memory of sitting on waters edge enjoying the view will be forever etched in my memories. I was Alive and in the moment; peaceful is the only way it could be described. Reality did rear it's ugly head later in the day as I visited Ella in the nursing home, but I was more able to handle it because of the peaceful and enjoyable morning that I'd had.
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