I Had A Meltdown Today
I do not get them often, but when I do, they're doozies.
This one just happened to coincide with my cardio workout at the gym. I know, right? Of ALL the places to have a meltdown, just go ahead and have one inside a public place where people can see you. Luck was on my side though; the gym was empty except for me.
What led to my meltdown? A culmination of things actually.
Today was mother-in-law day. She was a peach and in a good mood, so she wasn't the issue at all. One of her grandsons, who works as a cook at the restaurant we frequented, was there today. He was there last week also and I had to draw his attention to come over just so he would say hello to his grandmother. He barely made eye contact with her, or me for that matter, and couldn't make his exit quick enough.
I do not know why I had expectations that he would come over on his own accord today but obviously I placed a higher regard for him than I should have. I caught his attention and smiled thinking oh good, he sees us and will come over. Wrong. He stared past me as if I didn't exist. If he saw me, he had to have seen his 92 yr old grandmother. Nothing. No effort what so ever. As we were leaving I turned at the door and caught his eye again. He watched us walk out the door.
I don't give a damn about the disrespect for me, but dammit - he disrespected his grandmother. And in my opinion, that shit don't fly. I voiced my disappointment to Ella, who said this, "I'm used to it. Why should he be any different; his brother lives in town and he doesn't call or come over either."
Utterly inexcusable.
I have several clients/students who are affected by the government shutdown . Their livelihood is essentially held hostage by the idiots in Washington. But, it affects more than federal employees. It affects all of us, even little yoga instructor Sherry. I have a yoga retreat coming up and response to it has been anything but enthusiastic. I'm sure that people are worried about the economy and are reluctant to spend money on something considered non-essential - even though it would help them physically and mentally.
Add to that friends, family (and me with my menopausal hormones) all dealing with marital, health and job issues and it all became a little too much.
I hit the cross trainer and didn't stop. I did 5 miles in 1 hr 40 seconds and burned 755 calories doing it. I also cried doing it. The universe must've known I needed it because not one soul came in. I went in to the sauna and continued to sweat and sob - worst 20 minutes ever spent in a sauna.
I don't allow myself to cry normally. I prefer to stuff the emotions, pull myself up by the bootstraps and let the universe determine the outcome.
But it was cathartic. I haven't had a good cry in a very, very long time. I do feel better ...now.. And you know what the bright spot was? I burned 755 calories during my meltdown.
This one just happened to coincide with my cardio workout at the gym. I know, right? Of ALL the places to have a meltdown, just go ahead and have one inside a public place where people can see you. Luck was on my side though; the gym was empty except for me.
What led to my meltdown? A culmination of things actually.
Today was mother-in-law day. She was a peach and in a good mood, so she wasn't the issue at all. One of her grandsons, who works as a cook at the restaurant we frequented, was there today. He was there last week also and I had to draw his attention to come over just so he would say hello to his grandmother. He barely made eye contact with her, or me for that matter, and couldn't make his exit quick enough.
I do not know why I had expectations that he would come over on his own accord today but obviously I placed a higher regard for him than I should have. I caught his attention and smiled thinking oh good, he sees us and will come over. Wrong. He stared past me as if I didn't exist. If he saw me, he had to have seen his 92 yr old grandmother. Nothing. No effort what so ever. As we were leaving I turned at the door and caught his eye again. He watched us walk out the door.
I don't give a damn about the disrespect for me, but dammit - he disrespected his grandmother. And in my opinion, that shit don't fly. I voiced my disappointment to Ella, who said this, "I'm used to it. Why should he be any different; his brother lives in town and he doesn't call or come over either."
Utterly inexcusable.
I have several clients/students who are affected by the government shutdown . Their livelihood is essentially held hostage by the idiots in Washington. But, it affects more than federal employees. It affects all of us, even little yoga instructor Sherry. I have a yoga retreat coming up and response to it has been anything but enthusiastic. I'm sure that people are worried about the economy and are reluctant to spend money on something considered non-essential - even though it would help them physically and mentally.
Add to that friends, family (and me with my menopausal hormones) all dealing with marital, health and job issues and it all became a little too much.
I hit the cross trainer and didn't stop. I did 5 miles in 1 hr 40 seconds and burned 755 calories doing it. I also cried doing it. The universe must've known I needed it because not one soul came in. I went in to the sauna and continued to sweat and sob - worst 20 minutes ever spent in a sauna.
I don't allow myself to cry normally. I prefer to stuff the emotions, pull myself up by the bootstraps and let the universe determine the outcome.
But it was cathartic. I haven't had a good cry in a very, very long time. I do feel better ...now.. And you know what the bright spot was? I burned 755 calories during my meltdown.
"I ask not for a lighter load, but broader shoulders." -Jewish Proverb
Comments
I am so lucky to know you, Sherry. Thank you for sharing.
Namaste