Out Here On My Own

I've always said that music soothes the soul.  It lifts me up, calms me, energizes me, makes me dig down deep and think,  makes me forget, makes me cry, laugh, love, hate and any other emotion I can feel.   Because to me, that IS what music is all about....  emotions set to song.

From the time the original movie Fame came out, I loved the song Out Here On My Own sung by Irene Cara.   I hadn't heard it in a very long time.  Today I was home from work due to a raging migraine.  I couldn't sleep any more; I woke up couldn't sleep any more so was flipping channels and found the remake of Fame done recently.   This song came on and it was even more beautiful this time.  But the words even more so.   Why?

 Because of the opening words, - they pulled me in.   Who of us haven't thought, at some point or another, thought, "Sometimes I wonder, where I've been.  Who I am, do I fit in".

(Click on the link below to watch the video in a separate window, then you can follow the lyrics here)

Out Here On My Own

 

Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am, do I fit in.
Make believin' is hard alone
Out here on my own
We're always proving who we are
Always reaching for that rising star
To guide me far, and shine me home
Out here on my own
When I'm down and feelin' blue,
I close my eyes so I can be with you.
Baby be strong for me, baby belong to me
Help me through, help me need you
Until the morning sun appears
Making light of all my fears,
I dry the tears I've never shown
Out here on my own
But when I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh baby be strong for me, baby belong to me
Help me through, help me need you.
Sometimes I wonder where I've been,
Who I am, do I fit in.
I may not win, but I can't be thrown,
Out here on my own.
Out here on my own.

A Blaine Day

Today was Blaine Day.   It's been several weeks since I've been able to spend any great amount of time with him due to our schedules.   After discussing it on Friday, we thought our best chance would be today.

I woke him up via phone call on my way in to town at 10 and told him he better get showered and changed cuz I was picking up donuts and going to be there in a 1/2 hour to work.

He was ready...and work we did.  We started out in his kitchen and did everything ...I mean..everything.  We washed dishes, put them away, wiped down the counters, cleaned out the refrigerator, microwave and toaster oven.  Then we (ok, me), scrubbed the floor.

I tackled his bathroom while he started on cleaning his bedroom.  (We both had our work cut out for us!)  But we made it and no HazMat suits were needed! 

At 12:30 we gave ourselves one hour to dust and vacuum and finish everything up so we could treat ourselves to beer and burgers at IDK..  (We beat the clock with 8 minutes to go!).

The cleaning may have been the main topic of the day but in my opinion, Blaine was my objective.  He's a totally different person when you get him in a relaxed setting and visit one-on-one.   He doesn't refer to his disability a lot, but today we talked about his future and what he wants to do.   He always has dreams, and dreams big.  In the past he's talked about going to college and coaching.   I listen and let him talk.  After all, who am I to rain on his dreams. 

But today was a little different.  I felt his energy the moment I walked in the door.  He was in a talkative mood but it was different today.  His feet were planted on the ground and we talked about some of his worries (how long can he keep moving carts at Wal-Mart - after all, "I'm not getting any younger.") and why I didn't have kids ("maybe God wanted me to be your son")  Yes, that one made me tear up...even now as I type it out.  

We talked a LOT about Grandpa and Grandma Schulz and how he dreams of them - and his dog Keshia; he's pretty sure they're looking out for him from heaven.  There were a lot more things we talked about but I won't betray his trust or confidence in my ability to keep things secret. (That being said, I will most definitely do so if I feel his well being and day-to-day living abilities are in jeopardy or at risk and will inform his parents immediately). 

I do not know what brought on this reflective mood.  I'm not going to second guess it.

He needed someone to talk to and get some things off his mind.  He was ready to talk and I was there for him. 

I Will Dance

I envy those that can dance. I am envious of the people who are graceful, elegant and captivating as they glide across the stage.  The seemingly effortless movement and grace has me spellbound. 

When I was younger I used to watch American Bandstand and Soul Train.  Yes, for the music but also for the dancing.  I was mesmerized. 

My parents taught me to dance at a young age.  Mom would put a record on the record player in the living room - most likely country music like Conway Twitty, Loretta Lynn, Charlie Pride, et - and teach me the 2-step or waltz while standing on her feet.   She had good rhythm (she played piano by ear) and would teach me through her own steps, literally.

I love to dance.  My greatest moments of joy are when I am out on the dance floor. I'm not graceful, fluid, elegant or captivating.  I move for the sheer pleasure of movement.  I dance with abandonment.  I dance as if no one were watching.  I heard a quote once that said "dance is merely making love to music."   I like that.

One of my favorite shows is So You Think You Can Dance.  I have it taped every week and watch it whenever I find the time. 

The following is one of my favorite performances that always makes me smile when I see it.  It's happy and fun.  Boogie Shoes

This one is just beautiful: Turn to Stone

Tonight I ran across this video of Patrick Swayze and his wife, Lisa, performing a dance that was absolutely breathtaking.  It was so beautiful that I found myself with tears in my eyes. 
The Last Dance

I will never dance like any of the people in these video clips.  But I will dance when I get the chance, and I will dance like no one is watching.  I will dance for the sheer pleasure of dancing.  I will dance...for me.

Proud Day for Blaine

Yesterday, August 9th, 2013, was another proud day in Blaine's life.   Senator Heidi Heitkamp presented Blaine with the United States flag that was flown over the United States Capitol.  There were people from the community there, fellow Wal-Mart coworkers, family and friends.

News agencies from Jamestown (The Jamestown Sun and CSICable) as well as the news station Valley News Live (Fargo) were there also. 

It was awesome to see Blaine shine in all of his glory once more.   I was so proud that I teared up and had a lump in my throat. 

I'm so proud of my Blaine.  He IS the apple of my eye!

Dad and Mom would have loved it!

Today I got to spend some fabulous time with my family down in Adrian ND at my brother Terry's home.  Although the day was a bit chilly and windy, the day was perfect.

When we were growing up - or rather, when I was growing up - we used to have family picnics out on the farm every August.   My father's birthday is August 9th, and my sister-in-law's birthday is on the 5th.  We (ok, me) would spend hours mowing the lawn and making sure it was ready for the picnic.  Mom would be frying chicken by the roasters full starting at dawn, and everyone would start piling in to the farm in the morning even though we didn't eat until 1 pm.   There would be mom's fabulous potato salad, hamburgers, hot dogs, watermelon, cakes, bars, scrumptious fried chicken and anything else that mom thought would be fair game.  We never  ran out of food! We'd spend the day hanging out talking while the guys would play a bit of horseshoe.  The kids would be playing with the dog and kittens or running around exploring the farm. My niece Shelly (who is actually a year older than me) and I would play Barbie - and in later years discuss our latest crushes, the new movie we just had to see or the newest music to listen to.

It was family time...and Dad and Mom loved it!

Today brought back those memories.  Terry and Marna opened up their home to us.  Their lawn was immaculate and the garage was ready for the onslaught of family members to file in.  And we did, car by car.  We deposited our food items on the growing buffet table, parked our coolers in the corner, grabbed a cold one as we unfolded our lawn chairs and proceeded to get down to the business of catching up.  

We laughed over those "stupid little things" both past and present that make us want to cringe.  We ate too much food but still went back for more.  We drank and we drank some more.  The ladies and kids went in search of the five little kittens while the guys went to check out the deer stand down by the river.

It was a beautiful day of family...in celebration of what would have been dad's 98th birthday and Pearl's (we never tell a lady's age!). 

And Dad and Mom would have loved it!

My sister Pat, sister-in-law Pearl, and brother Ron

 My brother Terry, sister Pat, and sister-in-law Pearl

 Me and my niece, Shelly

My sister Judy and her oldest son, Glenn